Unrequited
by He11'sDomain
Summary: Grimmjow has loved Ichigo ever since he was thirteen. Due to a traumatic past, Ichigo doesn't know how to love. Will Grimm's unrequited affections soon become something more? GrimmIchi. AU high school setting. Warnings inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Greetings again! At last I am back with another fanfic. I meant to post this long ago but for one reason or another got incredibly distracted.**

 **Regardless! Hope you all enjoy.:)**

 **WARNINGS: references to rape and abuse.**

 **XxXxXxX**

School is shit. Every kid knows that, and as I sat in my boring-as-fuck English class I thought I knew that better than anyone. If anything I deserved a fucking medal for sitting in this class with sanity intact.

My name is Grimmjow Jaegerjaques (you make a snarky comment about my name and you'll quickly find your ass inside a trash can and your head somewhere floating in the nearby lake). I'm sixteen years old, a junior in high school, and co-captain of the football team. I didn't care much for the sport itself, but I did like being active. I liked moving, strategizing, I liked beating the shit out of people at their own game. Most of all though, the real reason I played football…it was a distraction.

Some thoughts were better left unthought, and football allowed me that wimpy, sorry-ass excuse to not acknowledge it.

Currently I was sitting at my desk having long ago stopped listening to my teacher lecture about an author Ezra Pound. Apparently he was a Nazi or something…? Hell if I knew.

Hell if I cared.

I had ripped up several sheets of paper from my folder and was now rolling them into little balls to throw at Ichigo. Ichigo, the asshole currently sleeping in his desk beside me, the asshole that _should_ be entertaining me and not allowing me to suffer through this god-forsaken class alone.

I said all that, but once I finished creating all my balls I couldn't bring myself to fling them. What if Ichigo was sleeping because he'd had a bad night? What kind of asshole would I be if I ruined the few minutes of reprieve he was getting now?

So I refrained. Instead I bounced a single ball between my fingers as I looked out the window. It was our first class of the day, and the sun was still bright and high in the sky. Sometimes I felt begrudged when the sky's mood didn't mirror my own. I was in a shitty mood, so why should the outside world be allowed to be so damn happy?

Ichigo was situated between me and the sun, and the bright rays radiated through Ichigo's just as bright hair. It was almost blinding ( _beautiful_ ). Maybe my mood wasn't so sullen, after all.

The bell rang, signaling the end of class, and Ichigo jolted into an upright position. His eyes were wide with confusion and his forehead had a red blotched spot I was much-too-tempted to poke.

I ultimately fell into the temptation, and he grunted at my hard poke. "You fell asleep, dumbass. You left me to fend for myself in the worst class."

I now noticed the dark circles under his eyes, and I stopped talking. He grumbled. "Sorry, Grimm," he said as he stood and gathered his belongings up. I did the same, and we walked to our next class together. It was Calculus, a class Ichigo was recommended to join because of his potential, and a class I was in merely because Ichigo'd be there.

We walked into the classroom and, as usual, we settled into the corner of the back row. He rested his head on his folded arms, and I sensed if I didn't intervene soon he'd be taking another nap.

I yanked a sheet of paper out of my folder. I scribbled onto it then passed it to Ichigo.

He read it carefully, and I could tell he took the time to contemplate his answer before pulling out his pen (he hates pencil and refuses to write with it for anything other than Calculus exams).

He passed it back.

 _How was your day after I left last night? He come home?_

 _Lonely, wish you'd stayed. He called and said he wouldn't be back til Wednesday. You have practice today?_

That first sentence alone boosted my ego until I felt nearly unstoppable. How could one person make me feel so strong, so _useful_? I would never, ever take Ichigo's trust for granted.

I wrote my response then passed it back.

 _Sorry, my parents were being assholes. Practice till 5:30. Wait for me?_

Ichigo read it with the smallest twitch of a smile on his face before crumbling the paper into a ball, and I knew the answer was yes.

Neither of us paid attention in class, and it wasn't until lunchtime that we actually came to life a bit.

We sat at our usual table. Technically, neither of us had many friends (but we had each other and that's all I needed), but somehow a few people have flocked to us anyway. Rukia and Orihime sat with us, Orihime intentionally sitting beside Ichigo (I wanted to punch her in the throat). Ulquiorra and Nnoitra also sat with us.

Ichigo has never demonstrated a dislike to any of the people that sat with us, but I knew he didn't connect with them. They didn't know him (never would), so he didn't always see the point in making an effort. Don't get me wrong, he was _always_ kind, but he didn't see them the way everyone else did.

It was a cynical perspective, but I didn't begrudge him of it. I'd be chatty enough for the both of us.

I snatched back the piece of bread that was "sneakily" stolen from me. "Nnoitra you motherfucker, keep your hands on your own food!"

"Fuck!" he howled, cackling at getting caught as he continued his discussion with Ulquiorra.

I gave the bread to Ichigo. "Eat this." Ichigo, who was the only one who didn't have a tray of food or lunchbox in front of him.

He took the bread not because he wanted it but because he knew I'd shove it into his mouth if he didn't.

When we were younger he'd been the fucking scrawniest kid in our grade. You could tell he wasn't fed, and he never ate at school like the rest of us did. His bones were sticking out and his face was thin and haunted.

When I got a little older I took matters into my own hands. I'd bring extra food every day and often sneak into his house to bring him snacks. In ninth grade, even after the hell he had lived through was over, he was still too small for my liking. So I began a vigorous self-defense regiment to toughen him up a bit more. Make him bigger, more muscular. Most importantly, make him not look so easy to take advantage of…

I shook my head of the thoughts, and I was back in the cafeteria. Ichigo was mechanically eating the bread, and when he was done with that I planned on giving him half my sandwich.

Orihime addressed Ichigo with her usual high-pitched (stupid stupid stupid) voice. "Kurosaki-kun, are you doing anything after school today? I was wondering if you wanted to go to the park."

 _That bitch._ If a typical guy had to pick between hanging out with a guy friend or a girl friend with huge tits, the decision wouldn't be hard. In fact, it'd be the easiest fucking decision that guy'd make the rest of his life.

Thankfully, Ichigo was different. "Sorry Inoue, I already have plans today. Maybe some other time."

I fought the smirk that threatened to arise at the look of Orihime's rejection. That dejected look on her ugly face was perfect.

Ichigo didn't talk the rest of lunch, and he had eaten half of half of my sandwich before giving it back to me. I wanted him to eat, but I didn't push him. He couldn't stomach large amounts of food (any amount of food), so I was okay with feeding him in small doses.

Lunch ended and Ichigo and I departed to our next class together.

Ichigo and I shared every single one of our classes together. I had thoroughly convinced my parents (wealthy donators to the school) to get Ichi and I together, and the administration was hard-pressed to disobey.

The next class passed in a blur, and actually so did the rest of them. I just wasn't in the mood to think today. I'd listen better tomorrow.

Not.

The last class of the day was Chemistry, and the teacher gave me the evil eye as I strolled to the back of the class and sat down. I was almost tempted to prop my feet up on the desk in front of me just to piss him off.

We weren't on good terms.

Not long into the lecture and I noticed Ichigo spacing out from the corner of my eye. He did that a lot and, while I did the same, I was certain his thoughts strayed into much darker territory.

I threw a pencil at him. He jerks and turns to face me, and his face softens as his eyes land on mine. He knew just as well as I the reason behind my utensil launching.

He throws me the peace sign then puts his head down on his desk. His head rests snuggly between his arms, and within minutes he's asleep. I don't have anyone to fuck around with anymore, so I let my own thoughts stray.

Ichigo has had a horrible, horrible life. I wouldn't be surprised if he never truly recovered. He'd never be a normal, innocent, "I love the world" kind of guy. He lived through hell for years, and it wasn't even until 3 years ago that he was rescued from his abusers.

I thought back through our history together. We've gone to the same school since first grade. We'd always been almost-friends, but never true friends. Maybe "pleasant strangers" was the more accurate term.

I used to be a real bully, a thousand times worse than I am now (I changed for you Ichi), but Ichigo was the one kid I never touched. I hadn't known back then the extent of what he went through, but even as a young brat I could tell he needed something, _someone._

So while I was beating up kids and stealing packed lunches, I was also sitting by Ichigo every day during recess. His body was too weak to play or run around, so we'd just sit and draw on the sidewalks with chalk. I still remember the day he accidentally drew a big stick-man on top of a small stick-boy. It wasn't until years later that I understood its meaning.

During that time we had been distant acquaintances, or "pleasant strangers". Outside of recess we never interacted, but I still watched him from afar. I'd go out of my way to observe him, because he'd been a puzzle I wanted to solve. He was sad, quiet, scared of people. Nobody touched him because he flinched at the slightest graze. He'd walk home with a trepidation rivaling a rabbit willingly walking into the mouth of an eagle. One day, when I was twelve, I decided to follow him home.

That was the first turning point in our friendship.

Believe it or not, my twelve-year old self was the one that rescued Ichigo from his abusers. Nobody else had fucking _cared._ The neighbors ignored his screams, the mailman acted like it was the wind, the teachers "never noticed anything strange" (fuck them and their lies). Every fucker in Ichigo's entire life has let him down in every _single_ way imaginable.

A dark memory danced around the edges of my thoughts, and I remembered I was one of those fuckers too. Probably in the worst way.

But…that was for another time.

The bell rang and Ichigo's head flew off the desk. He looked confused as people packed up. It was amusing to watch the comprehension finally filter through his expression.

"Come on, Ichi," I said as I gathered my stuff.

The teacher yelled above the loud chatter of classmates. "Mr. Jaegerjaques! A moment, please?"

I rolled my eyes and groaned. Ichigo packed up his stuff, patting me on the back as he walked away. "I'll wait in the hall. Just get out alive."

The teacher had nothing important to say. Evidently I had a D in his class, and he chatted up a fucking storm about how disappointed my parents would be and how I may have to repeat if I continued in the current trajectory.

None of it was news, and none of it concerned me either. Even if I did get a D my parents would hurl enough money at the school they'd never fail me. Hell, money was the only reason I passed Geometry and Biology.

I finally walked out of the classroom to immediately search out Ichi's bright hair. He wasn't outside the room, and I turned the corner to find him at the end of the hall, leaning against a set of lockers as Shuuhei talked to him.

My hands tightened to fists. I suddenly wanted to kill someone.

I didn't like Shuuhei.

He was currently talking animatedly to Ichigo, his hands moving in sync with his words. His body was situated close ( _too close too close too close)_ to Ichigo's, and Ichigo's facial expression screamed uncomfortable.

But maybe it was only "screaming" to someone like me, who's long since memorized his every facial expression. He rarely displayed his emotions. His past had taught him that emotions weren't safe.

And now I was angry for a whole other reason.

As I got closer Shuuhei continued chatting him up, and even continued doing so when I was standing side-by-side with him.

My hand landed dauntingly on his shoulder. Shuuhei's mouth closed. That got him to shut the fuck up.

Both Ichigo and Shuuhei's gazes struck me simultaneously, one relieved and one perturbed. Shuuhei looked at me like I was a nuisance that was getting in the way, an unwanted third party, a _fucking third wheel._

He was displeased at my arrival but said nothing of it. He created distance between Ichigo and himself (I felt my heart lift with relief, like an anchor being released from a sinking ship). He ignored my presence entirely, offering Ichigo a "Goodbye, Ichigo. I'll talk to you later" before strutting off.

I waited for him to turn the corner before I began my grilling.

My blue eyes were murderous and angrier than ever as I looked at Ichi. "What the fuck did that bastard want from you, Ichi? Why the fuck was he talking to you?"

I was so stupid, so ignorant. After all the years Ichigo's had to deal with this I still missed the signs sometimes. I still _fucked up._ It was only after I spoke that I noticed the tight fists his hands were morphed into. His pupils were constricted and eyes unblinking, and his head had slight tremors. I understood the telltale signs, and I burst into action with a level of adrenaline that I'd never get used to and hoped I never did.

I shushed him gently even though he made no noises, hoping it somehow comforted him as much as it oddly comforted me. I ushered him into the nearby men's bathroom, ecstatic to find it empty.

Ichigo wasted no time. He unclenched his fists and wrapped his thin arms around my waist, his hands slipping beneath my shirt and resting on my lower back. He burrowed his nose into the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply as his body shook.

I wrapped my arms around his body with just as much fervor, just as much intensity. I could feel my heart beating insanely out of my chest and I absently wondered if Ichigo could feel it.

It's been like this ever since the very day I saved him from his hell. I'd been the _first_ person, the _one_ person to make him feel safe, and ever since then I've been his anchor, his constant. I was honored beyond words, because he was the same to me as I was to him.

I squeezed my arms tighter around him. This? This was something I'd never get bored of. I didn't care that my best friend (the one I loved more than anyone) was straight. If he didn't know my feelings then metaphorical shit would never hit the metaphorical fan, and he could continue seeking comfort in me like he's done every time for the past four years.

I _needed_ him to need me. I needed it more than I needed to breathe.

The minutes past by both fast and slow, and too soon (too fucking soon) Ichigo had relaxed into my touch before pulling away.

"Thanks Grimm."

 _You are so fucking welcome._

I grinned like an asshole. "Don't let it happen again, Berry."

Why did I say that?

Thankfully he wasn't offended (had probably gotten used to my abhorrent personality) and he led us out of the bathroom. "What time is it?" Ichigo asked. I hated he was completely ignoring what just happened.

I allowed it this once, and I checked my watch. "3:17."

Ichigo's head jerked to face me and he punched my shoulder. "You have fucking football practice at 3:30."

I'd completely forgotten. "Shit."

I grabbed his wrist and yanked him forward, and we flew down the halls toward the boys' locker room. By the time we got there the last teammate was leaving, the locker room now empty save for us two. I immediately started stripping, and when I was unbuttoning my jeans I surreptitiously glanced at Ichigo. He wasn't looking at me. His back was to me, and instead he eyed the line of trophies sitting on a tall table.

I honestly wish he'd look.

I ignored the pang.

Dressing for a sport like football was tedious as a motherfucker, but at 3:24 I was done and we jogged to the miniature arena. Ichi sat on a nearby bench while I took the field and joined the crowd of football players that were huddled together.

The coach had us begin with the usual running drills and it got a good sweat working. After our warm-ups we gathered back up and coach spat out orders.

"Shuuhei, Jaegerjaques, split the team."

I ignored the irrational spasm of wrath at Shuuhei's name. Shuuhei was the other co-captain, and the coach wanted us to scrimmage.

We did as we were told, splitting the group down the middle, fourteen on each team.

We were getting into position when I glanced at Shuuhei as Shuuhei looked to the left. My nostrils flared as I observed the exact moment that Shuuhei noticed Ichigo sitting on the bench. His eyes suddenly held a spark of excitement, and I bit my teeth into my lower lip hard enough to draw blood.

 _I have never liked you, I have never respected you, but you triggered Ichi, and that's something I'll never forgive._

I explicitly ignored the sharp spasm of jealousy and fierce "he's not yours he's mine!".

…I was so fucked up.

The scrimmage was grueling and I was covered in sweat by the time we finally wrapped up practice. My team only won by 3 points, not _nearly_ enough for me to feel satisfied with crushing Shuuhei to a pulp. I wanted him on his knees, covered in blood, missing limbs, fucking _dead._

"—Jaegerjaques!"

My attention flew back to the coach. "Sorry Coach."

He continued speaking to the team, not missing a beat, and I zoned out again. He wasn't even directly addressing me, he was just giving the usual pep talk since we had a home game next Friday. _Next Friday,_ this shit was way too soon for pep talks.

Ten minutes later and I was crossing the field to meet up with Ichigo. From the corner of my eye I saw Shuuhei watch me, and I got the feeling any attempt he was going to make on Ichigo was postponed. _Good._

Ichigo nodded his greetings, noticing only me as he gathered his backpack then walked beside me. We left the field, and I punted changing back into my other clothes. I'd change at Ichigo's place.

We trekked home (his home is my home), and I asked, "How did I do?"

He contemplated. "You missed an open pass to Renji and should've went for the Hail Mary in the last play. Defensively you seemed too focused on Shuuhei and failed to notice Ichimaru run the ball." He turned to look at me. "Those were the only parts that required improvement, though. You honestly did very well."

My eyes stared into his, and my heart thumped in ache. He was the only friend that provided constructive criticism so thoroughly. I was truly, truly honored.

I quickly played it off, punching him in the shoulder. "Whatever." I didn't care it was me who asked him, that it was me who initiated it. I was done talking about it. "You said Chuck would be back Wednesday right?"

Ichi nodded. "Yeah."

"You think he'll be drunk?"

"Probably."

I pondered that. Of all the things I wanted in life, of all the things I prioritized most, Ichigo's safety was #1.

"Want me to stay over Wednesday?"

We were nearing Ichigo's place now, and I pushed a hanging tree branch out of the way for him. His neighborhood was poorer, not as well-kept as most.

He shook his head. "Nah, I'll be fine. He's harmless."

"Let me rephrase." Ichi raised an eyebrow at me. We reached his house and I unlocked the door with the copied key Ichigo had long before given me. I stepped past the threshold. "I'll be staying over Wednesday."

 **XxXxXxX**

 **And that completes Chapter 1! Hope you all enjoyed enough to stay around for Chapter 2.:) For new readers, I update weekly. If I'm not punctual please assume I'm dead. XD**

 **Until next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Back again:D Enjoy!**

 **XxXxXxX**

I entered Ichigo's bedroom, the one room in the whole world I was most oriented to (Ichi's room was more my room than my own room). When we were younger I made us paint his room orange because it was the most appropriate color ever, and he begrudgingly helped. Three years later and I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Before I could even sit on the bed Ichigo was pushing me into the shower. He said something about me "contaminating" his sheets or something, so I did as I was told.

The water sprayed me like a fine mist, wrapping me in warmth. Ichigo's place didn't have much hot water so I washed up quickly, intentionally using the blue washcloth Ichigo uses. As I washed my abdomen I saw the long, ugly scar that rested on my right side. It had long since healed, but in its wake was a protrusion of scarred flesh.

My memories flashed to a hurt, pained, tortured Ichigo, and I quickly looked away. I hated this scar, I hated this scar so fucking much.

But...this scar also signified freedom.

Ichi still wasn't _healed_ , but even when he does he'll inevitably scar. He will never be how he once was.

I finished washing myself with renewed fervor, already having been away from Ichigo too long. The sweat that had dried on my skin was replaced with a clean nice scent, and I could faintly smell Ichi on me. I loved it.

The bathroom door opened, and I listened as Ichigo turned on the sink faucet. I rinsed off and turned off the water, wrapping a towel around my waist before stepping out.

Ichigo was brushing his teeth, leaning against the wall. He was one of the few people that brushed his teeth three times a day. His gaze fell to the scar on my side.

I opened my mouth. "What do you think about Shuuhei?"

I had wanted to distract him, but why would I bring up _Shuuhei?_ How long has fucking Shuuhei been hanging over my head ( _longer than you want to admit_ )?

Ichigo's gaze rose to my face, and he shrugged, continuing his brushing before spitting the toothpaste out and rinsing his mouth. "He's fine. Weird tattoos. Talks too much." He shrugged again. "But I don't mind him."

I nodded, soaking in his deduction and storing it into memory. I pushed one more time. "…Even if he triggered you?"

Ichi paused at that, and eventfully admitted, "He didn't mean to. He didn't know." His "I'm the only one broken like this" hung in the air, and I wished it'd be tangible so I could shred it to a thousand pieces.

Ichigo left the bathroom and I followed.

"I'm gonna take a nap."

Sleep, again? He really must've had a bad night last night. Fuck, I should've stayed over.

"I'll join you," I said. He got his pajama clothes from the small dresser in the corner of the room, and I opened up the closet.

Due to Ichigo's…past, he refused to use the closet, so he turned full ownership over to me. More than half my wardrobe was stashed in this small space.

We dressed and huddled into the twin-sized bed. With anyone else I would've felt smothered and uncomfortable, but with Ichigo I felt warm and comforted. I half-spooned him, but not enough to be intimate. We'd been best friends for years, relied on each other more than our own family, and I bet even if I truly snuggled him he'd think nothing of it.

Ichigo's hair inches from my nose, I drifted off smelling his scent.

XxXxXxXxX

Maybe an hour after I fell asleep I woke to quiet whimpers. I immediately identified the source, and I opened my eyes and pushed on Ichigo's back.

"Ichi, wake up. Wake up."

"S-Stop. It hurts…"

He was still entangled in the nightmare, and I pushed again, harder this time. His broken pleas continued, my heart broke a little more, and I finally shoved him off the bed.

He hit the floor with a bang, and his eyes flew open. He quickly located me on top of the bed, and comprehension alit his still haunted expression.

He pulled himself up only halfway from the hardwood floor, his limbs rickety and weak. His breaths came in light pants, and his entire body shook.

He was having another episode, and I threw myself to the floor, gently pulling him into my arms. He embraced me eagerly, his thin arms wrapped tightly around my waist.

His body shook with tremors. That nightmare must have been…horrible.

All I could do was hold him. The tremors slowly, slowly dwindled. Soon they stopped altogether, but I still refused to let him go.

His voice tickled my neck as he brokenly whispered, "Grimm, a-am I…dirty?"

My heart hurt. I shook my head into his hair and squeezed him tighter. "You're human. We're all dirty, we all have demons under our bed that we want to hide. You're cracked, but I won't let you break." My hand rested on his head, and I played with orange strands. "I promise."

Silence was my answer, and I knew Ichi was skeptical. "I-If everyone has demons…" Ichi snuggled harder into my neck. "I feel like I'm the only one with a million demons and no way to kill them."

I shook my head fiercely, and my petting became a firm grasp on his scalp. " _No_ , Ichi, that's not true at all. You went through a lot of shit, it takes time. The memories will fade and you'll, heal and stuff." Shit, it wasn't supposed to come out like that. I still wasn't too good at this. I wasn't as good as I wanted to be.

But Ichigo seemed oddly content with my response. The tension in his body diminished, and his soft "thank you" rang with sincerity.

I fought the smile that tried to work itself onto my face. I looked out the window and saw it was dark now. I checked the alarm clock. _7:42 pm._ "You wanna go back to bed or do you feel better?"

He slowly pulled back from me, and I helped him into a standing position. "I'm fine now." He ran a hand through his hair. "What do you want to do?"

I wanted to get him out of the bedroom. I wanted to get his mind off the nightmare his thoughts were still encaged in.

I grabbed his hand and led him out the room. "Make me food, I'm hungry."

We entered the kitchen and Ichi made what he could with the few supplies he had. He grilled a piece of chicken and boiled some mixed vegetables. Visibly not enough food for two people.

I withheld my sigh of frustration. No matter how much I tried to stuff him with food he still didn't eat enough.

He put the food onto two plates, giving me all the chicken and half the vegetables. He took the other half of vegetables for himself.

I immediately spoke up. "Ichi, you need to eat more."

"But I'm not hungry."

I cut the chicken in half and moved to put it on his plate. Ichigo pulled the plate out of my reach, and I took it one step further. "Please?...For me?"

Ichigo's eyes stared into mine and his resolve vanished. He accepted my offer and soon we were eating side-by-side at the small kitchen table.

"Are your parents home today?" Ichigo asked after taking a bite of chicken I could tell he didn't want.

I thought about it. "Probably not," I finally said mid-chew. I provided enough inflection to show I didn't really care either way.

The sound of a jiggling doorknob was suddenly heard from the front door. I turned to Ichigo and watched his eyes go completely bug-eyed. Fuck. His foster father must be back early.

Ichigo threw his fork down, stood, and yanked on my shoulder. "Quick, hide!"

The front door opened, and Ichigo threw me into the small pantry. I was glad I wasn't scared of enclosed spaces like Ichigo was, or I'd be completely fucked.

The door was immediately shut behind me, and I was forced into darkness.

A deep, throaty voice called from beyond the kitchen. "Ichigo?"

"H-Hey, I'm in here." Footsteps. Chuck came closer. I watched through a crack in the thin pantry door as Chuck entered the kitchen.

His beady eyes noted the two plates on the table, and I gulped. "Ichigo…" He turned to look at Ichigo. "You havin' someone over?"

Ichigo stuttered his response, his body forcing itself forward to stand beside Chuck. "No, not at all. Just didn't clean up from breakfast." He chuckled. "Sorry. Wasn't expecting you so soon…"

I watched in horror and disgust as Chuck's chubby finger lifted to lightly pet Ichigo's cheek. "No problem at all. My business meeting ended early." Lies. His voice took on a kinder visage (fake fake fake). "Ya know, son, let me remind you that you can do…whatever, you want." The insinuation was clear as his finger again stroked Ichigo's cheek, and I wanted to vomit. Even from this distance I saw a chill run through Ichigo's body.

Chuck has been Ichi's foster father for four years now. He was greasy, gross, morbidly obese, and wrapped into a nice, neat little bow of repugnance. He had been all too keen on taking Ichigo in, and has since then demonstrated a few…sensual tendencies. Ichigo has explained it's innocent enough and he's never made a true move on him, but I understood the potential dangers. With my few encounters with Chuck I knew a day could come where he drank too much, touched too much, went too far (wanted to take what was mine).

But, with everything Ichigo's already been through…I won't allow it.

I won't _fucking_ allow it.

A moment later and the chunky hand fell away. Chuck gave him a toothy smile before walking past him into the den. "I'm gonna watch TV if ya need anything. Join me if ya like."

The look of relief went unnoticed by Chuck, and Ichi was already walking toward the pantry I was hiding in. "Thanks Chuck, I may after I finish up some homework."

That was the last of the conversation, and Ichigo snuck me out and back into his bedroom. He locked the door behind him.

He plopped onto the bed, sighing. "Phew…that was close."

I wasn't as carefree about the whole thing, my voice stern and worried. "Ichi, that guy is a real fucking creep. Don't let your guard down around him. I'm serious."

He sighed again. "I know, I know, you're worried." He looked appreciative of my concern, but he was nevertheless unopposed to writing it off. "He acts a little sketchy but he's never done anything. He's not like the others."

I shivered. "The others" meaning the people of his past.

"He's never done anything until the day he does." My eyes were dark with rage. I growled out, "And with the way he looks at you he _definitely_ wants to do something."

Ichi's eyes were closed, and he put a hand over his face. "Can we please…not talk about this right now?"

I sighed, and with that one sigh I released all my frustrations. He was still tired, it was clear in his pallor and the dark circles under his eyes.

I plopped down right beside him. Ichigo was resting his head in his arms, his long lashes tickling his cheeks. I wanted to touch him, I wanted to write over Chuck's greasy fingerprints and replace them with my own clean ones. I wanted to touch him like he was precious.

He wrinkled his nose, which brought my attention to the beautiful freckles scattered there. "Come over here."

I chuckled and did as I was told. I lay down beside him and pulled the covers over us. "Back to bed?" I asked.

"Back to bed," he confirmed.

XxXxXxX

 _That night I dreamed of something that was a dream but more than a dream. I was in a bedroom with a small bed and orange walls and a wooden floor. Two figures were on the bed. Limbs were entangled in one another as the two sweated and writhed beneath the sheets. Details presented themselves and I noticed the one on top was me. I surged into the smaller body beneath me. He begged for more, but I could tell more than anything he also wanted me to stop._

 _I gave him more._

 _More and more and more._

 _"G-Grimm," a young, fragmented voice called out beneath me. The dream grew hazy, and everything went in and out of focus. I saw my body blur, escape the room, run away. I was fleeing. I was being weak._

 _The next day I watched myself go to school and act like nothing happened, like I wasn't tainted and wicked and evil._

XxXxXxX

I woke up disoriented, half-hard, and with an irrational hatred for my own existence. It was still dark outside, and I checked Ichi's rusty alarm clock to see the time was 2:42am. My gaze fell onto Ichigo, who was sleeping soundly and curled into a human-sized orange ball.

I smiled lightly, and I partly cocooned my body around his own (I told myself it was because I had no room on the small bed). Ichi sensed my proximity and tilted his body ever-so-slightly in my direction.

I closed my eyes. Whatever I'd dreamt of, I couldn't remember it. But with Ichigo by my side it was hard to imagine it was anything of importance.

I ignored that the dream left a sour taste in my mouth. It didn't matter, because that's all it was. A dream.

Just a dream.

XxXxXxX

"Come on Ichi again, harder!" It wasn't good enough. I yelled again, "Harder!"

The fist flew inches from my face. I deflected it, pushing him back and making him come at me again. The fist came again but it was a fake. His hand moved to maneuver my blocking arm away but I caught it easily. I used his momentum to twist him around and over my back.

Ichi's butt hit the padded floor, and he grumbled in defeat. I offered a hand to him and pulled him to his feet.

On the days I didn't have football practice we instead used the padded mats in the school gym to practice Ichi's self-defense. Well…it was kinda under the pretense of helping me with football, but I think Ichi knew better. He was damn smart when he wanted to be.

Ichigo wiped at the wet bangs stuck to his forehead. We were both covered in sweat, but I still had considerable energy left in me. Ichi was running on low.

I knew his body wasn't as strong, as trained as mine. But, of course, that's why we were doing this.

I walked to one side of the mat, and Ichigo did the same. "One more round, then we'll be done."

Ichigo nodded and we came together, clashing in the middle and immediately fighting for dominance. No matter that I was almost twice his size he still always gave it his all, and I was so fucking grateful.

I shifted to the offensive and sent a fist. Ichigo blocked it and threw a punch of his own. In the process his foot overextended, and I situated my foot directly behind his.

I blocked his punch and then pushed him backwards. He immediately began to fall backwards.

What I didn't expect, though, was the firm grip on my shirt that pulled me with him.

I let out a not-so-manly squeal as we both took a tumble, and I landed fully on top of Ichi.

My breath caught in my throat, and I was positive my cheeks were no longer red purely from exertion. We were chest-to-chest and our faces mere inches apart. My heart was beating probably about a billion times a minute.

My muscles were locked in placed and my brain refused to work. I was a puddle of goo above Ichigo (then how were my muscles locked?), and all I could do was stare in awe at his beauty.

Ichigo's eyes looked into mine. He also had colored cheeks from exertion, and I wondered if he felt absolutely _anything_ from our close proximity.

I watched him closely. If anything he looked… _uncomfortable._

I fought the urge to sulk, to cry, to fucking scream. I should've known better. This was merely reality punching me in the face and laughing at me for wanting something I could never have.

"So," I cleared my throat. "In this position, h-how would you escape?"

I taught him how to get out of this move over a year ago. Let's see if he remembers it.

I kept my gaze on his face ( _so close so close just lean in he's so close_ ), and I could hear his feet landing flat on the floor. He launched his pelvis up, soaring my body upwards. He planted his foot over mine then flipped me over.

Our positions switched, and Ichigo loomed over me victoriously. He straddled my thighs, and I was very mindful of how near his crotch was to my own.

While I was acutely aware, Ichi was either oblivious, indifferent, or really good at hiding that he noticed. From here he just looked exhausted, and he leaned farther into me. "Are we done now, Grimm?"

I ruffled his hair. "Yeah," I said, smiling at him softly. "Good job."

"You too," he said tiredly, smiling at me before tucking his head into my neck. It was an intimate gesture, but it smeared an abhorrent amount of sweat onto me.

"Hey, asshole, stop!" I yelled with annoyed vigor, but I honestly didn't mind. But it was important to keep up appearances, and I didn't want to do anything he would regret. That included excessive snuggling and sharing bodily fluids.

He didn't stop though, and I lightly banged my fist onto his back. "You brat, respect people's personal space!"

He half-snorted, half-grumbled before obeying, merely resting his head on my shoulder. He mumbled, "We're basically one person. We don't need personal space from each other."

His words took a moment to sink in. I wrapped my arms around his waist. I was glad Ichi couldn't see my face because I had the biggest fucking smile on my face. "Yeah…I guess you're right."

 **XxXxXxX**

 **And Chapter 2 comes to a close. Hope you enjoyed the read! Until next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 commences!**

 **XxXxXxX**

For the next few days I spent the night at Ichigo's house. While Ichigo was convinced Chuck's actions were harmless, I drastically disagreed.

There were 2 reasons I didn't feel comfortable leaving him alone with this fucking creep. One, even if I've been training Ichigo for fucking forever on how to protect himself, that didn't mean it'd save him from Chuck's massive girth.

Secondly…I was worried. Beyond worried. Ichi has had a…rough past. If someone tried to rape him he may flashback, remember the times he'd had to sit there and take it. If someone tried to rape him he may just stop fighting…

I grit my teeth. Therefore…me.

I felt a firm shove against my shoulder. "Grimm, you don't have to stay here just because Chuck's here. Come on, go home." I didn't move from my comfortable spot on the bed and he grumbled, pushing me again. He paused, then said, "I bet your parents miss you."

Damn Ichi. Hit me where it hurts. "This basically _is_ my home, Ichi. And also, no, I doubt it." I did wonder if they were home tonight, though. It wasn't often they were there at the same time (they had a very unhealthy relationship that involved having sex with everyone but each other), but they did still come home to see me.

Oh well. They were a bad influence. Instead of being the bigger person and trying to save their marriage, they've been ignoring each other and meeting with various partners in fancy hotels ( _I'm a thousand times better than my cheating parents. I only want_ one _person and I'd never hurt him)._

 _But…I've already hurt him…_

 _No! Stop thinking about it._

My heart felt ice cold.

Ichigo finally gave up and plopped onto the bed beside me. We both looked up at the ceiling, and he stretched one arm out and rested it on my belly. "Grimm, I get the feeling you see everyone as a predator."

I continued staring at the ceiling. "Everyone's guilty until proven otherwise."

"That's not very judicial."

"But it's a helluva lot safer."

Silence was my answer, and I turned my head to see Ichigo laying somberly, eyes glazed with sadness.

I was now wide awake. "Ichi…?"

"I wonder…I wonder what I could've saved myself from if I'd lived by that philosophy. I…" He paused, then laughed at himself. It sounded ugly and fake, and I thought he was going to cry. "I sometimes wish I had someone else's life. Like everything'd be so much easier if I just w-wasn't me." He finally looked at me with that fake, broken smile, and the first tear fell. "I suck, don't I?"

"No, Ichi, no…" I gently grabbed his sleeve and positioned him onto his side. I pulled him toward me and he willingly snuggled his body into my own. "I think you're amazing. You're the most selfless, thoughtful, beautiful person walking the earth. When you graduate you're gonna go to college and get into the med school you've always wanted. Which one was it, Johns Hopkins? You'll get in and do your residency then become a famous doctor. You'll help people, save lives." Ichigo was quiet and docile beneath me, and I gently played with his soft strands of orange.

"I know things still suck now. You were hurt, horrifically, and now you're stuck trying to put yourself back together." I shook my head into his hair. "This pain won't last forever though, Ichi. It'll fade, the memories won't be as fresh, you'll—" A lump occluded my throat. My heart hurt ( _it hurts it hurts it hurts) "—_ You'll find a beautiful girl, have kids, live in a fucking amazing house everyone will be jealous of."

I lightly, so lightly, kissed his temple. "I know you hate yourself now, but soon you'll realize how great you are. Everything that goes down must come up, right? Newton's a smart-ass fella and if he says so then it must be true."

Ichigo giggled, and he unburied his face from the shelter of my chest to look up at me. "You got it wrong, dumbass. It's what goes up must come down."

"Close enough."

"It's the exact opposite of what you said!"

"Shhh."

He giggled again, punching me in the shoulder. His spirits seemed lifted, and he drifted back in my arms. He nuzzled his head into the nape of my neck. "Would you follow me?"

I went back to petting him. "What do you mean?"

"If I went to Johns Hopkins or residency or wherever…would you follow me?"

My arms tightened around his body. I thought about it.

There…wasn't much to think about.

"Yeah, Ichi. If it was okay with you, I would." Watching Ichi be happy with his woman and kids would be hard, excruciating, but it would be worth it as long as I got to see his smile.

In the life we led now I didn't see it nearly enough.

Ichi tilted his head and kissed my chin. I felt my cheeks burst with red. This wasn't the first time he's platonically kissed me, but every time he did it made my heart race and my pants unbearably tight.

"I'd definitely want you there," he said with a small, but happy smile. I smiled back.

"Good, cause if not I woulda just stalked you anyway."

He hit me. "Ass."

"You can touch mine if you let me touch yours."

This time the hit was very painful but very, _very_ worth it as a sharp laugh escaped Ichi's lips. It was melodic, and it made me laugh too.

Suddenly thunder echoed from outside, and Ichigo nearly jumped 5 feet in the air. His laughter was now a distant memory, and he was gripping my forearm tight enough to bruise.

Damn it. I checked the weather today, it wasn't _supposed_ to storm.

"Hey, let's sleep, I wanna sleep" I said, watching his reaction carefully. Ichi looked at me with desperate eyes and quickly obliged, throwing both me and himself under the covers.

Even though it was a tiny twin-sized bed, there was occasionally enough room to position ourselves without touching each other. Tonight, though, he slept on me the same way he did every time it stormed. His head rested on my chest, and he listened to my heart beat.

Contrary to his actions, Ichigo wasn't _scared_ of storms or rain or thunder. It was the memories associated with them that scared him the most.

One night, in this very same position on the bed, Ichigo had explained to me what happened. He was seven the first time his father locked him in the closet, and it had been during a severe thunderstorm. All alone and in the dark he had listened to the wails of the thunder and raging of the storm. _"The entire time I thought it'd been because of me. I'd thought, 'The world is punishing me the same way Dad does. I messed up, and now I have to pay the price.'"_

Ever since he told me that story I never let him sleep alone during a storm. There have even been nights it started to storm in the middle of the night, and I'd jump out of bed and race from my house to his. I'd climb the strategically-placed trash can and sneak through the window to find him banging his head against the wall or blaring music from his phone.

I ran my fingers through Ichi's soft hair. He didn't move, merely concentrating on the rhythmic beat of my heart. I wondered how loud it was to him. Did it drown out the sound of the storm?

I wrapped my arm around him, settling it beneath him and on the right side of his chest. The beats weren't frantic or rapid.

I smiled. I closed my eyes.

We fell asleep listening to the beat of each others' heart.

XxXxXxX

School sucked. And by school sucked I meant it sucked _bad._ Like, school was sucking some fucking _massive_ balls right now. School was a total slut, and it needed to get its shit together.

"Kurosaki-kun, please try these rice balls I made! They have honey and edamame inside." Orihime held the disgusting, surely lethal concoction out to Ichigo, and once again I was left with the immeasurable urge to slaughter her and possibly her family.

"No thank you, Inoue. I'm not hung—"

I stuffed three French fries I'd been holding into his mouth. I smiled cheekily at the busty bitch _(no, I've been trying not to use that word so much. Busty slut. Slutty like our school. Such a ball-sucking slut like the school I hate her I hate her I hate her)_

I grit my teeth. _(Wait…I shouldn't say "slut" either, Ichi wouldn't appreciate it. Whatever. I just won't say it_ out loud, _but she's still a slut)._ "Don't worry Orihime, I'll make sure he eats" _(It's my job not yours slut)._

Orihime didn't seem to sense my concealed malice and Ichigo did but didn't comment on it. The rest of lunch passed by uneventfully, and I had successfully fed Ichigo nine fries and the tomatoes off my burger.

XxXxXxX

If you asked any high school kid what their favorite subject was, what's the most common answer? History, Chemistry, Math?

If you answered any of the above then you're a fucking idiot. The right answer is, fucking obviously, P.E.

After lunch and our dreadful Calculus class Ichigo and I headed to the gym for P.E. This week was scheduled free days, so we could individually pick whatever sport we wanted to play. Chicks typically just painted their nails or gossiped on the bleachers. Fuck girls, who needs them.

All the boys changed in the locker room while Ichi discreetly slipped into a bathroom stall. He was so self-conscious about his scars; the only person allowed to see them was me.

Out on the court we decided to throw the football, which wasn't an uncommon choice on our free days. Ichigo didn't play any sports and he liked helping me practice.

As we threw I monologued about random shit, shit that was trivial and nobody'd give a damn. But it was good at keeping Ichigo's mind off things so I shitted about shit like it was my goddamn job.

Occasionally I'd see a glimpse of that beautiful beautiful smile, and it just fueled my incentive to make him feel happy and safe.

We'd been throwing for a while when I suddenly got side-swept and knocked to the ground. I blinked in confusion as I stared at the ceiling, and I looked down to find the culprit.

It was Nel. She was one of the few girls that actually played a sport during free days. She was a busty chick with hair the color of dirty seaweed.

Well…I guess that was harsh. Most of the guys thought she was pretty, "hot". Whatever.

She opened her arms and hugged the absolute shit out of me.

"Ahhh, I'm sorry Grimmie! I didn't mean to I wasn't watching where I was going." Her boobs were squeezing the life out of me, and I almost worried my airway would close. She backed up just enough to look at me. "Pwease forgive me, Grimmie?"

I gave her the most annoyed, dumbfounded look I've ever given a person. Her finger was now trailing across my jaw, and I could feel my eye twitching.

My voice was gruff. "I'll forgive you if you get off me and I don't see your face for the rest of the day."

She squeezed me again, and it helped me realize just how much I took breathing for granted. "Ah, Grimmie's such a meanie! I thought you liked me."

One of the guys she was playing with called out to her. "Come on Nel, it's your serve!"

She nodded and waved. "Coming!" She addressed me once more, and she whispered into my ear. "Sorry again about that. If you're interested I can…make it up to you after school."

The expression on my face didn't change even the slightest bit. "No."

She looked a bit offended. "But—"

"No."

She sat for a moment in stunned silence before she _hmph'_ ed and jumped off my lap, stalking away.

I pulled myself to my feet, dusting imaginary dust off. I had explicitly removed "slut" from my vocabulary for Ichigo, but… _dayum_ was that girl loose enough to fit bowling balls inside of her. Jesus.

I looked up and saw Ichigo. He was watching Nel walk away, gaze contemplative and distant. What was he…why?

Why was he watching Nel? And with that face?

My feet stilled and I remained frozen in place. I felt like sinking into the ground and hibernating until the day I died. Of course. Most of the guys in school thought Nel was pretty.

 _Ichigo_ was one of those guys.

I blinked away the tears that threatened to form.

One day when Ichi and I were fourteen he had confided to me he didn't think he knew _how_ to love. His past had only shown him hate and malice and pain, and the thought of loving someone seemed utterly impossible to him.

I…I was an ignorant fool.

Between then and now Ichigo had learned to love, and his love burned for a D-cup, seaweedy slut that propositioned me to a standoff in a janitor's closet.

I grit my teeth, pushing aside my ache ( _ache? No, this was_ agony) and headed toward Ichigo. He must've felt my gaze because he turned away from Nel to look at me.

"Are you okay?" he asked, but his voice sounded different. Why was it different? _(The voice of love?)_

I tried to address him like I wasn't dying inside. "Haha, I'm fine."

He tried again. "She seemed very…intimate." He was watching me carefully.

Wait, Ichi…are you jealous?

Are you hoping she'll throw herself onto you next?

I was no longer in the mood to throw the football but I had to keep up appearances. I grabbed it off the floor and threw it to Ichigo, harder than intended. He caught it but I bet his hands stung from the friction.

Ichigo didn't look like he wanted to play either, but play we did.

XxXxXxX

That day I had practice and Ichi watched from the bleachers. Shuuhei sought out his presence before every practice now, and I knew this cheeky bastard was trying to show off with his ridiculous leaps and unnecessary and dramatic tumbles. This guy thought he was such a badass…bastard.

After practice Coach huddled us together. His deep, authoritative voice filled the crowd. "Alright, listen up. Our upcoming game is this Friday against Daven High. I expect a landslide victory, ya hear me?"

He began his gruff threats and awkward pep talks, and I discreetly looked past his shoulder. In between Coach and Ichimaru I could see Ichi sitting on the bleachers. He was twirling a strand of grass between his fingers. He let it go and he watched it drift down, down, down until it hit the floor.

I wondered if Ichi felt an odd empathy for the grass.

Coach dismissed us and Ichi and I walked back home together. Shuuhei tried to butt in and talk to him but I pretty much knocked Shuuhei onto his ass and told him to beat it before I beat him for real.

"You're a bit touchy today, Grimm," Ichigo said as we continued our trek. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he kicked a rock.

The rock landed in front of my foot, and I kicked it back to him. "Yeah…" I didn't elaborate.

"Why?"

He kicked the rock back to me, but I let it go. I sighed, knowing I couldn't even explain it myself. The thought of Ichigo liking Nel still danced along the edges of my memory. Even during football practice I couldn't _stop thinking about it._

"I-I dunno…Just nervous about the game, I guess…"

That sounded like a blatant lie even to me, and I could tell Ichigo didn't believe it either. He didn't call me out on it, though.

We walked in silence. It wasn't until we reached his doorstep that he spoke again. "Do you hope Nel will be there?"

He unlocked the door and I followed him, confused. Do I _hope_ Nel will be there? Do I hope the target of my best friend's affection will be at the football game and steal attention away from me to her? Do I hope they sit beside each other so they can chat and laugh and exchange numbers and kiss at the end of the night?

I shut the door behind me much, much harder than necessary, and I loudly put the lock in place. The words I forced out through clenched teeth were, "I wouldn't care either way" _(lies lies lies)._

I stared at the door, willing an expressionless façade to my face. I was still too emotional, too angry, Ichigo would suspect something.

He still hasn't said anything. I finally turned from the door to see a very, very expressionless Ichigo. This was one of the few times I wasn't able to tell what he was thinking.

He abruptly turned away from me. He walked toward the bedroom and I followed. I was going to ask what he wanted to do but it was unnecessary.

"I have homework to work on," he had mumbled, sitting on the bed and opening up his backpack.

We rarely did our homework on time, but I didn't argue it. I pulled out my Calculus book but I couldn't get anything done. I just stared at the words and numbers, daydreaming and wondering what it'd be like to have Ichigo love only me.

XxXxXxX

Twenty minutes later and I said "fuck it" in colorful font and huge letters. Ichi and I had been doing our work on the bed when my hand rained down on top of his textbook.

Ichigo straightened his back to eye me funny.

I gathered up every ounce of courage within me. "Do you like Nel?"

He blinked, as if taken aback. Then he shook his head slowly. "No…but…don't you?"

 _Me? What the fuck?_ I would've fucking laughed if the thought of that wasn't so fucking ridiculous. "Fuck no, Ichi."

"…Oh."

I wondered how he had gotten that idea, and how he may or may not have felt about me liking Nel. Would he have been jealous? Maybe even a little bit?

I felt sullen once more, and I went back to my work. I was a fucking idiot if I thought he'd ever feel that way.

XxXxXxX

The next day we walked back from school more exhausted than usual. We'd decided to spar after my football practice, something we didn't usually do, and both of us were sweaty and stinky and gross (wrong. Ichi's never gross). We entered Ichigo's yard and stealthily walked into the house, sneaking past the living room where Chuck was munching on huge handfuls of Cheeto's. We climbed up the stairs and were deemed safe when Ichi finally closed the door to his bedroom.

"I don't like Chuck," I said as I set my backpack on the floor beside the bed. I plopped onto the mattress, catching a whiff of my own body odor on the way down. I pulled off my sweaty shirt, throwing it at the laundry hamper and missing horrendously.

"I know that very well, Grimm." Ichi picked up my failed attempt and put it in the hamper. "But he hasn't done anything to deserve your suspicion. He's harmless."

Sometimes it boggled my mind how much Ichigo defended Chuck. He has learned in the worst ways imaginable how _untrustworthy_ people are, even the people closest to you.

Though…I suspected it was _because_ of his past that he tried so hard to convince himself Chuck was innocent. He wanted to prove with every fiber of his being that _not_ everyone was malicious and vile and worthy of his distrust.

And that hurt my heart more than anything.

Ichigo took off his own shirt, showing a part of himself he showed _no one_ but me. He hated his body, despised it, but me…? I was allowed to see it in all of its flawed, but so incredibly flawless, beauty.

He put his shirt in the laundry hamper, and I shook my head obstinately. "I don't want to take that risk, Ichi. Something's just not right with him." And I meant that with utter, utter seriousness.

Ichigo sighed in exasperation, and I knew why. We've had this conversation several times. He thinks I vilify everyone; he thinks I distrust anyone close enough to Ichi who could hurt him.

Maybe he's not wrong.

But _still._

Ichigo unsnapped and unzipped his jeans, and I watched in awe as he slid them off to reveal pretty legs and blue boxers. Changing in front of me had become like second nature to him, but I was still mesmerized by his beauty every single time.

"Your football game is this Friday, right? Are you nervous?"

My eyes jumped back up to his face (where they _should_ be, _fuck)_ , and thank god he didn't seem to notice. He discarded his pants into the hamper.

I shrugged, screaming at my body to calm the fuck down. Act cool, act cool. Everything's fine.

I hastily tossed off my own jeans. I shrugged. "Maybe a little nervous, but I'm more excited than anything. I'm ready to show those bastards what we're made of."

He nodded approvingly. "Good attitude."

I showed off pearly whites, my smile more like a wicked smirk. "I wouldn't be this confident if I didn't think we could win."

He chuckled under his breath, speaking more to himself than to me. "I know. And I don't doubt you in the slightest."

I was smiling so much my cheeks hurt. His complete and total trust in me...it was a godsend.

...I hope I never gave him a reason to lose it.

 **XxXxXxX**

 **Annddd if that's just the tiniest hint of foreshadowing that's**

 **Hope y'all enjoyed!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Commence Chapter 4!:D**

 **XxXxXxX**

Forty seconds left. Forty seconds left and the timer stared relentlessly back at me. Sweat trailed like blood out of my pores, clouding my vision and making everything blurry and strange.

I swept it out of the way. I looked back at the timer. Thirty-eight seconds.

It was the football match of the season. Our school rival was ahead by 5 points, and I could partly hear their crowd's ceremonious jeering from the bleachers ( _stop, focus on the game_ ).

I thought about how Ichigo was also sitting on one of those bleachers, watching me, wondering what I'd do next.

I was quarterback, the fucking best, I wasn't backing down.

We got into formation. Thirty-one seconds.

At twenty-six seconds I had the ball, and I evaluated my options in a surreal, almost dreamlike state. Renji was covered by three, two in front and one to the left. Shuuhei only had one but he was attached to the hip, a throw like that'd be impossible. Ichimaru had two hovering over him, there's no way I could— My eyes widened.

There! Kira was open! The nearest opponent from Kira was over twenty yards away, but Kira is our worst runner. Should I risk it? Should I break formation and just run for it instead?

At twenty seconds I'd made my decision. I threw the ball, aiming to land ten yards ahead of Kira. I was tackled to the ground before I could see the finale ( _did he get it, did he get it?!)._

A roar of cheers came from the left (where Ichi was), and I knew he'd caught it. I bounced back onto my feet. I watched Kira race across the field. I looked at the timer.

Time's up.

Sweat dripped down my face and obscured my vision. If Kira doesn't land the touchdown on this play it's over.

Moments later and Kira was passing the end zone, jumping and hollering, and the stands roared with the adrenaline rush of sweet victory. I howled and joined in the celebration with my teammates ( _did you see me, Ichigo? Were you impressed, or were you expecting more?_ ).

We shook hands with the opposing team, and I never wiped the smirk off my face. Our team went back to the locker rooms to change, hear a congratulatory pep talk from the coach, and talk about the next practice Monday. I was pulling on my t-shirt when Shuuhei made a loud announcement.

"How about we have a party to celebrate our great victory?" Cheers and woots of approval were his response, and he smiled ( _it's not a smile he doesn't know how to smile_ ). "Tomorrow, 7pm, my place. Bring your own beer, invite whoever the fuck you want. How's that sound?!" The cheers were even louder, and Shuuhei stood with arms raised, eyes half-lidded, as if basking in his own perfection.

I barely restrained my growl. At this point our victory felt cold and trivial, and I forced myself not to foam at the mouth. _This_ motherfucker was my co-captain?

"U-Um, excuse me…"

The timid voice sounded very close to me, may have even been addressing me, and I turned to see Kira.

He was looking down at his feet. "T-Thank you for passing me the ball. I k-know I'm not the best, but you put your faith in me. T-Thanks."

I slapped him on the shoulder. "It was nothing. I knew you could do it." His eyes lit up. I had lied straight through my teeth, and I didn't point out the only reason I passed it to him was because everyone else was blocked. The other team had probably already deduced he wasn't a threat.

Well…turns out they were wrong, and fucking so was I. For once I didn't mind being wrong.

I gave him a grin. "Good job." His eyes were like beams of happiness right into my face, and I finally had to look away. I was finished dressing and I closed my locker, ready to find Ichigo.

"Wait, Grimmjow-san."

Fucckkkk (if this is what you're like I'm never passing it to you again).

"What?"

"Where'd you get your tattoo?"

I raised an eyebrow at that. "…The parlor downtown." I blinked in surprise at Kira. "You thinking of getting a tattoo?"

His cheeks tinted pink, and he looked away. "M-Maybe. I haven't decided yet." He glanced at me. "If you don't mind me asking…w-what does yours mean?"

I walked past him, and I barely avoided grazing his smaller body and ramming him into the adjacent locker. "I mind."

His stunned reaction didn't go unnoticed. I left the locker room.

Now time to find Ichigo.

XxXxXxX

It was hard to believe how many annoying mounds of flesh I had to push through just to get to where Ichigo would've been sitting. I understood this was an important game of the season (the most important game of the season), but it was _over, so_ go _home._ Jesus mother-fucking Christ.

Once I got to the bleachers it took another ten minutes before I finally found the orange hair I was looking for. As I got closer I noticed a brown head of hair beside my orange. I squinted my eyes, trying to identify the other figure.

…Shuuhei?

My teeth grit and my good mood vanished. I had gotten out as fast as I could, but _Shuuhei_ beat me to him?

 _Fuck!_

I had a feeling I knew why too. I raced forward to intercept.

"Hey guys," I hollered as I joined them, immediately standing beside Ichigo. "Whatcha talkin' about?"

Shuuhei's gaze already looked victorious, and I felt like I wanted to throw up. "I was just inviting Ichigo to my party tomorrow." His arm wrapped around Ichigo's shoulders, and I went from nauseated to murderous.

Shuuhei's gaze was innocently happy _(as innocent as a lion in a teddy bear costume waiting to strike)_. "Thank you for agreeing to come, Ichigo. I'm looking forward to it."

I grit my teeth. I was too late. Ichigo nodded in response, and I was only marginally pleased when Shuuhei removed his arm _(the arm I'm going to cut off with a machete)._

"Well, I gotta head out, victory dinner and all. See you both later," he said with a wave, directing his gaze only to Ichigo.

He left, and Ichigo and I walked side-by-side back to his place. Our shoulders occasionally brushed together and my body twitched, yearning to touch more.

"You did well tonight," Ichi said, and I knew he meant it. He was very honest, and he always told me if he felt there was something I needed to improve on.

I was still seething from fucking Shuuhei though, and it forced me into assholeness. I grumbled a lousy "yeah."

I sensed Ichigo's quiet confusion. He didn't say anything, but I could tell he was working to comprehend my irrational response. He'd always been a silent analyst, and he was going to try and figure it out himself before he asked me about it.

Even in my anger I couldn't help but find it kind of cute.

He finally spoke. "You don't like Shuuhei?"

It sounded like more of a statement than a question ( _he didn't even realize Shuuhei liked him)(he didn't even realize_ *I* _liked him_ ). I answered. "Yeah…" I sighed, awkwardly scratching the back of my head. "Just don't really trust him, is all."

"Will you be going to the party?"

I thought about it. I hadn't been intending to, but now there's no way I won't. I'll be there to protect Ichigo.

I knocked him upside the head. "How could I not, dumbass? Without me you'd be a puddle of awkward in a corner of the room."

Ichigo made a grimace of agreement. He was introverted, didn't communicate well with anyone except me. He probably agreed to go both because he thought I was going, and also because it'd be another opportunity of redemption _(he sees himself as wrong, twisted)._ He strives to better himself ( _as if he weren't already perfect_ ). Because of everything that's happened to him he thinks he's gross and ugly, and he wants to fix himself.

I absolutely hated it.

We made it home and he snuck me into his bedroom. Chuck was laid out, snoring on the den sofa, and it wasn't difficult to walk past him.

Ichigo took me by the shoulders and guided me onto the bed. "Lay back." I forced the blush off my cheeks as I realized what he was going to do. I pulled off my shirt and plopped onto my stomach. He crawled on top of me and began massaging my shoulders.

He's done this for me twice before after a big football game, and I can never stop myself from getting aroused. He was sitting on the back of my thighs, his hands blessed with the magnificent massaging ability of a god. I barely even heard the moan that escaped my lips as he found a sensitive spot on my lower back.

"Sleep, Grimm."

I almost wanted to laugh _(how am I supposed to sleep like this?)_ but instead all that came out was another strangled moan. Every touch of his fingers made my body feverish, every inch of my skin hypersensitive.

Fuck, I had it so bad. Why did I have to fall for a straight man, my _best friend_ , who was hurt and broken and didn't even know how to love.

Ichigo lightened up on his grip, though, and I found myself dozing off. He knew exactly how to work my body until it was a pile of mush. My eyes slowly slipped shut.

"Sleep, Grimm," I heard again, fainter, softer, this time. I had no idea how he did this so well. It was mind-blowing _(just like everything else about him)._

Not even three minutes passed before I drifted into pleasant unconsciousness.

XxXxXxX

The distant chirp of hummingbirds was ultimately what brought me back to the land of the living. I felt comfortable, at peace, and warm skin radiated against my own. I opened my eyes to look into the soulful brown eyes of Ichigo Kurosaki, my best friend and the man I was head-over-heels in love with.

And can I say, what a fucking _great_ way to wake up.

"Morning Grimm," Ichi said with a small smile.

"Morning," I replied, leaning over to peck a kiss onto his forehead.

Somehow I had fallen asleep with my arms fully encompassing Ichigo, my hands under his shirt to rest against the small of his back. I was glad he was so comfortable with me, because with anyone else his skin would be crawling with disgust.

"Did you sleep well?"

I replied, "Yeah, I did." I nuzzled into his neck, and my entire body was hypersensitive to Ichigo's. He's always so warm, so soft, so beautiful. Even in my unconscious state I had gravitated to him, and now that I was awake the two hands that were resting against his back wanted so badly to travel farther, lower. I wanted to rest my hands on his plump ass. I wanted to slip a finger inside of him, explore his body, prepare it for…

 _Stop!_

I jumped out of bed, nearly racing to the bathroom. I hoped he couldn't see my boner through my boxers.

"Grimm?!" Ichi called out in alarm, but I was already gone. I slammed the door behind me and sank onto my knees in shame.

This was the third time this week that I've had impure thoughts about Ichi. Why was I such a fucking pervert? I loved everything about Ichigo, including his body, but that just wasn't _safe._ I didn't want to fuck up and _hurt_ him. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

Should I not sleep in the same bed as him, for his safety? Every action I performed I contemplated the question "was this better for Ichi?". If it was, then I did it; if it wasn't, then I immediately scrapped it.

But could I really utilize that level of self-control? And poor Ichi, he'd think I was ignoring him, or that I hated him. Even if I explained to him he was still my best friend, I just wanted some distance, he'd be _devastated._

I took a deep breath, sighing into my hands. I ultimately decided not to change my lifestyle. I didn't want to worry Ichi. Hell I wasn't even sure I could _avoid_ the intimacy that naturally comes with being Ichigo's closest person. And I really didn't want to.

Fuck. I needed to get out of this bathroom and stop being a pussy. I knew Ichi was waiting silently by the door, and I couldn't even imagine how hurt he felt right now. _I'm not abandoning you Ichi, I swear I'm not._

I stood. My boner was diminished and I was presentable again, so I opened the door. I hadn't even locked it, but Ichigo respected my privacy enough not to open it himself. It made me love him that much more.

I looked into his big brown eyes, and they spoke volumes more than his words did.

"I'm so sorry Ichi, I was being weird. I'm sorry."

He hesitated, then asked sincerely, "Are you okay?"

He cared for me so much. I couldn't even believe it sometimes. I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "Yeah. I am." And the fact that that was the truth made me smile.

As long as I loved Ichi the way I did, I would always have _sexual_ feelings for him. But as long as I kept them dormant, repressed…it should be fine.

It should be.

XxXxXxXxX

I stared at the near mansion-sized building. It was almost an unsightly contrast to see such a beautiful house and hear the unruly and loud shenanigans of classmates inside.

Tonight was the night of Shuuhei's dumbass party. Mild anxiety ran through me, and I turned to see Ichigo pulling on the hem of his shirt. He looked up at the building as if it would come to life and consume him, and instead of holding his hand to comfort him (I wanted to hold his hand) I lightly pushed him forward.

"You ready, Ichi?"

Ichigo looked to me then back at the house, and he swallowed audibly. "Yeah…"

I led him up the steps and to the front door. I knocked, loud so it could be heard from inside the even louder household.

The door opened and Ichigo immediately took one step behind me. A tall guy (still shorter and smaller than me. I could take him) I vaguely recognized but didn't know waved his greetings, one hand on the doorknob and the other wrapped around a bottle of beer.

He hiccuped. "Sup bitches, c-come on i—"

My fist moved so fast to grip the guy's shirt collar I almost gave myself whiplash. My face screamed rage, and his face screamed terror. "If you call either of us that ever again I will throw your face into a windshield then impale you with a dagger in your sleep."

Genuine horror alit his face, and when I let go he stumbled awkwardly out of my reach and fled into another room.

Ichigo was pale but standing, and his body barely shook with tremors. A much better reaction than…the _last_ time he heard that word.

I cussed a motherfucking lot, but I was quick to learn what words to avoid. "Bitch" was one of the two. "Slut" was the other.

"You okay, Ichi?"

Ichigo's gaze met mine, and it seemed to strengthen him. He gave me a small, ashamed smile. "Yeah. Sorry…"

I punched him lightly on the shoulder. "Don't apologize." I was dead serious, and he nodded.

I looked back inside the large house and stepped inside. "Let's get this over with."

XxXxXxX

In all honestly, it felt like I had walked into a modest orgy or insane festival filled with booze, smoke, and drugs. Nobody was unclothed, but there were a few couples in the living room too drunk to realize they were making out in a public area (or maybe they knew and didn't care?). Most of them, though, were just inebriated and loud. And by loud I mean loud as a motherfucking nuclear explosion.

I grabbed Ichigo's hand and led us through the hordes of people. Some slapped me on the back and congratulated me for our victory, but I ignored it. I was surprised people even remembered why we were celebrating in the first place.

I didn't know where I was going, but once I found two empty chairs side-by-side I was determined to claim them as ours. We both sat down and people-watched shamelessly.

Kira was showing off the new tattoo he got on his collarbone (that was fast), and two girls coo'ed over it in drunken fascination. Renji and Ulquiorra were deliberating over football plays that consisted of jumbotrons and life-sized pikachus, and the visuals that brought to the forefront of my mind immediately made me look to the next set of humans.

Rukia and Orihime (she wants to take what's mine) were talking animatedly, and Rukia was feeding the girl drink after drink of tequila. The girl swayed and giggled and kept drinking.

"People live their lives so haphazardly, don't they?"

I turned to Ichigo, who was also watching the two girls.

I continued watching them. "Yeah, some do. But…a lot of people don't understand. They don't see the danger." I side-glanced at Ichigo, whose gaze was stern. His hands were clenched into fists.

Ichigo opened his mouth to speak but Shuuhei's voice projected above the buzzing noise of the party, and our heads jerked in that direction.

I was currently seated at Ichigo's left, and Shuuhei appeared at Ichigo's right.

He was smiling bright at Ichigo. "Hey Ichigo, I'm so glad you could make it." Shuuhei looked up to notice my presence as well, and I could tell he was fighting a scowl. He addressed Ichigo once more. "It's awfully loud down here. Upstairs we have a fun game of Truth or Dare going on. Wanna join?"

Truth or Dare? What the fuck were we, _children_?

Before Ichi could respond Shuuhei was grabbing his hand (oh fuck no) and guiding him to a standing position. I immediately stood to follow.

Shuuhei didn't look at all surprised. Guess he didn't mind me joining in. "Come on, I'll lead the way."

The three of us walked through the maze of flesh-covered drunken zombies, me close behind Ichigo to ensure we didn't get separated.

As much as I despised Shuuhei and his entire existence, he was right. Once we climbed up the stairs it was notably quieter, only the sounds of occasional chuckles filling my ears.

Shuuhei walked in the direction of the laughter, and we entered a gameroom where three people were sitting on the floor. They each had alcohol but none seemed to be in any drunken state (thank god). If they had been I would have punted this altogether. Drunk pieces of shit weren't fit to play this game with Ichigo.

(Who knows what they'd say or do...).

Shuuhei led us into the room. "Guys, we have two new players." He held out a hand and pointed to each person as he introduced them. "Ichigo, Grimmjow, this is Toshiro, Ichimaru, and Rangiku."

Ichigo and I waved our greetings. They all looked familiar (I guess they should since they're classmates), but I knew only Ichimaru from the football team.

Shuuhei ushered us forward. "Come on, let's play."

The game was mild enough. It seemed like you asked whoever you wanted, but everyone had to participate before the next round started. If you refused a truth or dare demand you had to drink a shot (I now noticed the bottles of liquor beside the busty chick). I guess it was like the typical Truth or Dare but with an alcoholic twist.

Ichigo was taking all of this better than I thought he would (he had decided years ago to never drink). I silently prayed nobody would dive into anything too personal for him.

The woman exclaimed, "Okay, I'll go first!" She turned to the short boy. "Toshiro, truth or dare?"

The boy grumbled, "Dare." He looked bored, and I wondered if his friends had forced him to be here.

She gave him a sly grin. "Grab my boobs."

Toshiro's cheeks blazed with fire, staring at her like she had just asked him to kamikaze off a cliff with her.

"W-What? No way!"

She leaned forward, and the way she was bent over displayed an ample amount of cleavage. "Grab them or take a shot." She licked the outer shell of his ear sensually. " _Pick_."

After much internal struggle the kid ultimately downed the shot with a ferocity that rivaled Godzilla. The woman was laughing her ass off at his reaction, and Toshiro glared at her. It seemed ineffective if the woman's tears of laughter were anything to go by.

It was now Toshiro's turn, his cheeks still tinted pink as he asked, "Ichimaru, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare."

The short one blinked in thought, then waved a hand of indifference. "Hop around the room like a bunny."

Ichimaru groaned, "Whatttt? Lame," but he nevertheless stood and did as he was told. Several chuckles came from the group, and I was pleased to see Ichi smiling as well.

The squinty-eyed guy Ichimaru addressed Shuuhei. "Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

The man smirked. "Have ya ever bought drugs and if so, what are they?" By the look on his face I think he was asking only to get some off the man later.

Shuuhei chuckled darkly. "I've bought ecstasy, but…" He grabbed a shot glass and filled it up. "Since I'm not willing to tell you the other drug, I'll go ahead and drink to it." He put the glass to his lips and downed it.

Squinty and some of the others chuckled to that, but I was disgusted. Ew. This piece of shit did drugs? He was even worse than I thought. I glanced at Ichi and wondered what he thought about it.

"Ichigo, truth or dare?"

My head swiveled to see Shuuhei addressing Ichigo. Shit.

 _Shuuhei…if you overstep your boundaries…I'll kill you._

Ichigo seemed to think about it, and I saw the slight tremor of his hands. "T-Truth."

Shuuhei was grinning. He leaned forward, his gaze suddenly very, very interested. "Are you a virgin and, if not, how old were you when you lost it?"

I felt myself start to hyperventilate. Shuuhei…he…that question…and Ichigo...FUCKING FUCK!

"What kind of fucking question is that?" I exclaimed, but the damage was done. I was almost staring into Ichigo's soul so I could interpret how he was taking this. His cheeks were as red as the short white-haired guy's shirt, and he furiously pulled at the hem of his shirt. I knew he was thinking hard. He was weighing all of his options.

If he admitted the age he lost his virginity that would send major red flags. Conversely though because of his past, alcohol was almost blasphemous to drink. Ichigo lost either way.

But I couldn't intervene. Causing a big stink would create an even bigger spotlight. I'd just put more emphasis on something Ichigo didn't want to share.

Before I could even register what was happening Ichigo filled a shot glass and downed it. I stared in utter awe.

I had gotten onto my knees because I'd panicked, and now I plopped onto my ass with relief. Of course…How could I be so stupid? Ichigo was the fucking strongest person I knew; I was dumb to think he couldn't handle this.

I glanced back at Shuuhei. His gaze had never left Ichigo, and he looked calculating. I didn't like the look he had…

"Grimm, truth or dare?"

Ichigo was watching me.

I filtered out the Shuuhei thoughts for now. He was a tiny insect. I could squish him with my foot whenever I needed to (you overestimate yourself)(shut up).

"Truth."

Ichigo's soulful chocolate eyes looked into my blue ones. "Is there anyone you like as more than a friend right now?"

The question sunk in, and fierce guilt pierced through me. Not because I felt guilty for having fallen in love with Ichigo, but because…

I didn't know if Ichi's question held an inner meaning, but my brain was delving deep into the past, to a part of my memory that I often forced myself to forget (to maintain my sanity). We were thirteen, Ichi was at the lowest point in his life, and…

…And Ichigo has never forgiven himself since.

But it was just as much his fault as mine! Ichigo was at a low (so fucking low) point in his life, and I should've known better.

Now that he's asked me this Truth, I almost felt like I had expected it. Ever since that day three years ago (we never talk about it, why don't we talk about it?) he was convinced I had ruined myself.

He thought I'd become just like him: tainted and unable to love.

Oh Ichigo…if only that were true.

I stared into Ichigo's eyes as I responded, "Yes."

Murmurs alit the small circle, and Ichigo's eyes widened in surprise (I'm not tainted like you think I am). Then he gave me a small smile. As if he was happy for me (happy I live in this eternal hell where you don't love me back).

I withheld a sigh. It was hell to love someone who didn't know how to love, much less love me back, but there's no way I could love someone better than Ichigo.

So maybe life wasn't so hellish after all.

 **XxXxXxX**

 **If you read my last GrimmIchi story you'll notice my enjoyment of the Truth or Dare sceneXD Haha. Hope everyone enjoyed!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Alright! This chapter's a bit dark but I really enjoyed writing it. Enjoy!**

 **XxXxXxX**

The next round of Truth or Dare began, and this time Shuuhei was asking me "Truth or Dare?" I was acutely aware of all the horrible things he could ask or say (what if he asks me a question like he'd asked Ichigo?), and I felt cornered into saying, "Dare."

Shuuhei put a finger to his chin, and after a moment he grinned. He pointed a thumb to the busty redhead. "Take Rangiku into the closet and tongue-fuck her for five minutes." He displayed his watch. "I'll keep time."

Huh? My mind was going a mile a minute. If he thought I was straight then this Dare would be doing me a favor (the woman was obviously well-endowed). But because of our poor relationship there's NO way he'd go out of his way to give me an easy go at a girl.

Was it possible Shuuhei actually realized my feelings for Ichigo, which was why he was pushing me onto someone else? I'd already admitted to liking someone, and maybe Shuuhei had connected the dots?

Fuck. I grit my teeth but complied. Ichigo was the one I loved, but he was forever out of my grasp. I could never have him, so why force myself to have _no one?_

I led the busty woman into the closet, shut the door, threw her into the wall (why was I doing this again?), then tongue-fucked her silly. The girl was all too willing, and she pushed her lips harder against mine as her limbs entangled themselves with mine. I groped her breasts, forcing moans out of her mouth and into mine. I was aroused because I was sixteen and horny, but I wasn't enjoying myself. Though, once she started palming me through my jeans I definitely wasn't flaccid anymore.

She groaned headily, her lips pressed to my ear. "Come on, baby, I want you inside me."

She wants to have sex? In fucking five minutes? This bitch (no, not bitch, I can't say that word) was fucking crazy.

She was nearly entirely undressed by the time Shuuhei hollered time was up, and the girl grumbled in annoyance (what were you expecting?). She threw her huge boobs back into her bra.

"Thanks sugar. Let's go another round later." I wanted to throw up right onto her face.

We both left the closet appearing disheveled and with clearly kiss-bruised lips. My first gaze fell onto the one closest to us, Shuuhei, who looked pleased and amused. Then I turned to see the person I _actually_ cared about. Ichigo was watching me and looked almost…almost…

I wanted to die. He was _happy_ for me?

It was a sad, accepting smile, but it was happy.

What, he thought Shuuhei daring me to make-out with that bitch (not bitch) was a _fucking favor?_ As if coming to this party was suddenly _worth it?_

I felt dizzy and my legs weren't working quite right. I…I didn't know what I'd been expecting. I didn't know why I was disappointed. There was no reason for it to hurt me when it merely emphasized something I already knew.

But…this sudden weight on my chest…it made me realize exactly what I couldn't have. And the one person I wanted more than anything, was out of reach.

Before I knew it I strode away and left the gameroom. I muttered something like "be right back," but there was no telling for sure. It might as well have been "I'm going to bury a knife into my face, don't bother looking for me."

I joined the crowd of people on the bottom floor and went straight for the alcohol. I just needed a little space, a little time to get away from Ichi. They'd probably just continue Truth or Dare, and then I'd come back as if nothing happened. "Sorry, went to piss" or something. Casual. Normal. Everything would be fine.

I was royally, epically, monumentally wrong.

XxXxXxX

It was almost an hour before I was trudging back up the stairs to rejoin the group. I'd done more sulking than anything else, and I now hated myself for leaving Ichi alone for so long. I'll definitely have to make it up with him later. Buy him ice cream, take him to a movie (he loves comedy). I ignored the screaming thoughts in my brain that wished our outing would be a date.

I walked with the slightest of difficulties. I wasn't hammered, but I probably drank too much anyway. I needed to be sober to protect Ichi.

I entered the gameroom. Ichigo wasn't there, and initially I wondered if I went through the wrong door.

The busty girl Rangiku gave me a sly grin. "Nice of you to join us again, sugar. Wanna play?"

Only three people were seated on the floor, the girl and the two white-haired guys.

The first pang of worry jolted through me. "Where's Shuuhei and Ichigo?"

Rangiku put a finger to her chin. "Hmmmm. I think they went to a bedroom together."

Ichimaru nodded, licking his lips ravenously. "I'm jealous o' Shuuhei. I'd eat that orange righ' up."

It was almost comical how quickly I exploded out the door. I clipped the wall as I sped down the hallways and opened every single door I came across. I found couples fucking in each, but if I didn't see orange hair I didn't spare them a glance.

In the last door was something that would be forever etched into my memory. Even the door creaked with ominous expectations as I opened it, and I flipped the light on to see…hell. What I saw was literally earth's version of hell.

I was frozen in place. Ice filled my veins and pierced through my whole body. A shard of ice must've punctured my lungs, because I was struggling to breathe. My body was frozen, my heart was frozen. I was frozen.

…But Shuuhei wasn't. When I flicked on the light he had leaped off the bed, his eyes wide with shock. As if he didn't expect me. As if I wouldn't come _looking_ for the most important person in my existence.

My gaze turned to his victim, still sprawled out on the bed. His orange hair was splayed out haphazardly, and his shirt had been torn down the middle to reveal a slim abdomen and perky pink nipples.

"He wants this so don't pitch a damn fit! Go away!" Shuuhei voice was loud and bounced off the walls. He was trying to hide how scared he was (what did I look like right now?).

Go away? He wanted me to…go away?

(I wasn't leaving ever again)

I stood steady beside Shuuhei as I hurled my first punch. It hit his jaw and sent him to the floor.

I was going to absolutely murder him.

Every smack, every pound of flesh against flesh made my blood boil more and more. My knuckles were raw and red. Shuuhei's face was in pieces. I wasn't done, not by a longshot.

But…then I heard a voice that made my entire body freeze all over again.

"G-Grimm…" The voice sounded desperate, needy, pained. Nothing like my usual Ichigo.

How badly had Shuuhei hurt him?

Sanity filtered back through me in slow increments. _Fuck_. I was so stupid. I had let my rage prioritize my actions, but I'd _done it all wrong_. Ichigo was my #1. ALWAYS.

I threw myself off Shuuhei. "Leave!" and the man scrambled to his feet, holding his mangled face as he soared out of the room. I slammed the door behind him then raced to the bed.

My body was trembling with worry. "Ichi, I'm here. I'm here. You're safe."

"Oh Grimm," Ichigo said, breathless. His pupils were dilated, so black I could barely see the brown. "I'm so glad."

He wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, yanked me forward, then smashed our lips together.

Fire.

That was the only way I could describe it. My lips were on fire and the heat was traveling through me like a searing volcano. Lava spilled from Ichigo's mouth and burned my lips.

It was like he'd just lit a match inside me and I was about to explode.

I felt his tongue press against my lips and I released the fire. I opened my mouth and lashed my tongue out, mercilessly mapping out the moist caverns of his mouth. My body was hot too, and I released it from its tight restraints. My fingers plucked at his pink nipples, and the moans he made sent me on a rampage to create more.

He spoke desperately into my mouth, and he sounded so frantic I thought he'd cry. "Oh Grimm, Grimm. T-Touch me, touch me, please touch me— _ah_!" My mouth assaulted his neck, nibbling and sucking and biting down hard. It created a dark red crescent against his silky smooth skin and I knew he'd have hickeys tomorrow. Saliva dripped down my chin as I listened to Ichigo's wails. I still remembered the tender parts of his body from a time long ago, an event just out of reach in my memory.

Ichigo moaned again and the memory drifted away. I attacked his chest, his nipples, his belly button. Every inch of his body was mine ( _mine mine mine mine)._

He was breathing heavily. "G-Grimm, please…ah, please…I n-need you."

I need more!"

I unbuttoned his jeans and released his cock from its tight restraints. It sprung out, and I stared in awe at its perfection. I cupped it into my hand, loving the feeling of its heat and deep arousal. I wanted to touch him, make love to him, make him scream my name until his throat was raw and he couldn't talk for weeks.

I pulled off his jeans and boxers completely, and I forcibly spread out his legs so I could see his hole. It was pink, puckered, and just _waiting_ for me to touch it (oh god to be _inside_ it).

I pushed my finger through the ring of muscles, and Ichigo arched his back off the bed. After several pumps (impatient impatient so so impatient) I inserted a second finger. I scissored him, fingers pushing back and forth, and he moaned in ecstasy.

My brain screeched to a halt.

Ecstasy…

Ecstasy…

My fingers froze inside of Ichigo's body, and the haze of arousal dissipated. All the heat and fire and explosive sensations were dowsed by a water so ice-cold I started shivering. Chills racked my body. Tears filled my eyes.

"Grimm, m-move! I need you, p-please!" It sounded like Ichigo was going to cry too. His words hacked through me like a dulled chainsaw.

I…

I was so foolish.

With blurry vision and pained everything (oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck) I crawled up the bed to look at Ichigo more closely (why didn't I do this before?). His pupils were dilated, eyes almost completely black. His cheeks were a bright red and so was the rest of his body. I checked his pulse at the carotid artery. It was fast, too fast. _Too fucking fast._

It was the drugs.

Shuuhei's drugs.

Ecstasy.

I watched Ichigo with an expression akin to death.

…I didn't deserve to live anymore.

It all hit me like a freight train, and I was suddenly more sober than I've ever been in my life. I stumbled backwards, away from Ichigo, away from my mistakes, away from everything. I fell off the bed and hit the floor, but I didn't feel pain. Not physical, anyway.

How could I let this happen? I was Ichi's _protector._ But I had just taken advantage of his vulnerable state. I couldn't even protect him from myself (when you realized what I've done will you hate me as much as I hate myself?).

Ichigo turned on his side to lock his drug-induced gaze on me. "Come on, l-let's fuck. It's been years since we've fucked."

I stared at him in horror. That memory, that buried deep memory. The memory where I'd made the worst decision of my life, the memory that warped me into the twisted person I am today.

I…I…

I turned to the side just in time to throw up.

XxXxXxX

When I finally recovered I felt dirty physically and mentally. What I'd deliberately forgotten for so long was now seared into my brain, and the taste of vomit caked the inside of my mouth. I quickly ran to the bathroom and rinsed my mouth out.

I came back and decided it was beyond time to leave. Ichigo was still naked, and my cheeks burned with both shame and arousal. I've wanted Ichigo so bad, for so long. But…not like this.

"G-Grimm, why'd you leave me?" Ichigo asked, tears streaming down his feverish cheeks. When I reached the bed I was pulled in with the same technique as before. Ichigo gripped the back of my neck then pushed his lips against mine. I savored his taste one last time, one last breath, one last kiss.

When I finally pulled away I was a broken shell, a small part of my former self. Now that I'd witnessed Ichigo's love for me (it's not love), going without it for the rest of my life felt like…hell. Utter, utter hell.

I kept the depression out of my voice as I pulled us both into an upright position. "Come on Ichi, it's time to go."

Ichigo was shaking his head, but he was too weak. I easily maneuvered him like I'd maneuver a thin doll. Ichi's shirt was effectively shredded by Shuuhei, but I grabbed his boxers and jeans (god _I_ had taken those off) and put them on him. I took off my own jacket and pulled his arms through the sleeves, covering his bare torso.

He fought me the entire time, trying to disrobe himself. "Grimmm, please. I need you." He went for my lips again, and I turned my head just in time to dodge it. His moist, plump (perfect) lips landed on my jaw, and I fought the arousal that surged through me as he traveled down my jaw and along the base of my neck.

"Stop Ichigo. I don't want this."

But _Grimmjow_ , _I_ want it." His tongue lashed out. "Don't be selfish."

And that was the huge, glaring, neon-colored word that described me perfectly, wasn't it?

I gently pulled him off me and half-carried him out of the bedroom. We went down the stairs, and only a few people were sober enough notice me half-carrying a drunk (drugged) Ichigo. I didn't see Shuuhei anywhere. He was probably nursing his wounds somewhere in a corner (you still glad you threw a party, Shuuhei?)(I hope not because I'm going to kill you).

"G-Grimm, please f-fuck me."

We were still in public and my cheeks burst with red. I pretty much carried him so we'd reach the front door.

Outside I took him bridal-style into my arms. Ichigo wriggled around relentlessly, and I could see the distinct bulge of his jeans.

Just thinking about his bulge gave me a bulge of my own.

"Grimmm, pleasseee."

Ichigo has never, ever been this outgoing. He rarely voiced his wants (so selfless while I'm so selfish), but over the years we've gotten close enough that I could read him through his expression.

Ichigo was unbuttoning his jeans when I lost it.

I fell to the concrete, my knees searing but also completely numb. Ichigo dropped out of my arms.

How did I let this happen? How did this spiral from a simple Truth or Dare game to suddenly drugging and attempted rape?

Oh god…Attempted rape…if I hadn't been there Ichigo would've been raped.

I threw up again.

This was in the Top 2 worst days of my life.

"Grimm…" That single word sounded almost sober, almost like ICHIGO. I turned to see him looking at me with worry. His hand petted my cheek, and he leaned closer. He whispered into my ear. "Don't worry, I'll make you feel good."

I frantically crawled away before jumping to my feet. "No Ichigo, _no_. I don't want it!"

Ichigo's jacket (my jacket looks great on him) had fallen open and displayed perky nipples. I swallowed, realizing the vast extent of my lie.

I grabbed Ichigo by the wrist and yanked him to his feet. I forced the jacket closed and zipped it up. Then I physically dragged him down the sidewalk.

"If you don't w-want me, then take me home. Chuck would love to have me."

I grit my teeth, enraged. But I also knew he was right.

That was exactly why I was taking us to my place instead.

The sexual assaults continued and it was getting harder and harder to reject him. But I had to remember this wasn't Ichigo. This was the vile drug Shuuhei put into his system.

I was exhausted in every way by the time I finally made it to my house. Its size was pretty much equivalent to Shuuhei's, and I walked us up the high-scaling steps and through the mahogany double doors.

"I'm going to my room!" I yelled inside the big house. No voice responded and I assumed nobody was home.

I led Ichigo up the stairs and plopped him onto my king-sized bed. He took that as an immediate sign to remove his clothing, and I engulfed his smaller hands in mine.

"Stop Ichigo…please stop." He fought against my grip and I squeezed harder. "Look at me." He blinked, turned away, then reluctantly, so reluctantly complied. His eyes were deep and dark.

I stared into them. "Ichi, Shuuhei drugged you. You're like this because of the drugs."

He stared at me, and even in his state I could tell he was trying to understand.

He licked his lips nervously. "Sh…Shuuhei? He…?"

I nodded sternly. "Yes. He drugged you."

Ichigo audibly swallowed. "Did…Did it break me? Am I even more broken now?"

That took me by surprise, and my eyes were wide with ill-concealed horror. "What? No. No! You're not broken, you're not broken at all. The drugs will wear off and you'll be completely back to normal." I kissed his cheek lovingly. "I promise."

And how you'll think of me when you do…well, I chose not to think of that.

He was no longer trying to disrobe, and at the moment he looked nothing but bleak. "Y-You better be right," Ichigo sniffed. "Cause right now I'm miserable." He absently grabbed his crotch, the area still noticeably swollen with arousal.

Ichigo stood on wobbly legs and walked to the large dresser, grabbing pajama pants and a tank top. He changed in front of me, and I stared in wonder. I would never, ever get bored of his body.

Ichigo came back to the bed, crawling toward me. "Even if I wake up normal tomorrow…" He held my chin between his fingers and kissed me. It was the most genuine, intimate kiss we've ever shared, and I melted instantly.

After a few long moments he pulled back (I unconsciously followed him), and his beautiful eyes pierced into mine. "...I hope I remember what an amazing kisser you are."

I gulped, my mind furiously imagining what it'd be like if he kissed me again.

We shared the bed, and Ichigo fell asleep mere minutes after he laid down.

I remained awake. Long story short, sleep was hard to obtain with the massive boner between my legs.

 _Please Ichigo, when you wake up…don't hate me._

 **XxXxXxX**

 **Ssoooo...?:D Hope you enjoyed!**


	6. Chapter 6

**POV change in this chapter!:D Once again, quite similar to my previous story in that respect. #noprogress**

 **XxXxXxX**

 **Ichigo's POV**

My body was heavy. I felt weighed down, sluggish, exhausted to my very core. I felt an ache in every part of me.

I tried to lift my head to no avail. I squeezed my eyes in frustration. I felt the silk sheets beneath me and thick, warm covers above me. I was at Grimmjow's house. The thought of Grimm sleeping beside me brought me comfort.

His presence brought me much MORE than comfort, but I wasn't ready to hurdle that train of thought just yet.

I wanted to turn my body to see if he really was there, but I hurt too much. Everything hurt. Why did I hurt? Why was I so _heavy?_

The small irrational part of me wondered if I'd gained substantial weight overnight. Grimmjow was always stuffing me with food, forcing me to eat. Or maybe it was more than that, maybe I had a thyroid problem, or fluid retention from kidney failure. I curiously wondered what death was like.

Distractions.

I stubbornly ignored the pain. I was too used to pain to let it hinder me, and I forced myself into a sitting position. Fuck, I was so heavy.

I looked to my left and saw Grimm curled up beside me. He had dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn't slept well. I wondered what the cause was. I'll let him sleep.

I scooted off the bed and hobbled to the bathroom. I splashed my face with cold water, hoping to relieve some of my exhaustion and ache.

Sighing deeply I gazed at the person in the mirror. I hated that person with every fiber of my being, but Grimm seemed to see something in him. Grimm had faith in me, even when I'd long ago lost faith in myself.

My gaze didn't leave the mirror. I had the same dark circles as Grimm did. My gaze traveled lower.

I froze.

My heart must've herniated into my throat, because I couldn't breathe and I was suddenly choking on something heavy and crushing. Scattered across my neck and chest were hickeys, dark and all-too-prominent on my pale skin.

What…How… _When…?_

I went to a party last night, but I didn't remember anything treacherous happening, not at all. I hung out with Grimm, then played Truth or Dare with him and Shuuhei and some others. How…How did I let someone do this to me? Why can't I remember anything? Does Grimm know about this?

But no…no.

No.

The thought of Grimmjow finding out about this made my soul ache. If he were to think I was with someone else, that I loved someone else...

I gathered myself together before I started to fall apart. I couldn't tell Grimm. He'd freak out. Besides, he was scared for me enough; I didn't want to give him more reason to worry.

Even if I myself was worried enough for the both of us.

I left the bathroom and walked to the dressed Grimm had specifically designated me long ago. In passing I saw the inside of the closet, the door hanging open. His closet was so big, so spacious, but…it was still a closet.

I could feel my heart racing and I sped to the dresser, feeling silly and ashamed. Thoughts of my father, his _friends,_ came to my mind, and all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and sob. But that would be weak, and I learned years ago the only way to survive in this world was to be strong.

I grabbed a turtleneck from the third drawer and pulled it on over my tank top. I was already burning up from the thick material, so I stripped myself of my pants, merely keeping my boxers.

I turned to the bed. Grimm was still sleeping, but he looked distressed. He flipped onto his stomach, muttering quietly. I stepped closer, scrutinizing him further.

"I-Ichigo…n-no…"

I swallowed. He was dreaming about me? He used my full name—he _never_ used my full name—and his voice was filled with grief.

I left the bedroom. He was distressed by the dream me. No need to wake him and distress him with the real me.

I wondered what it was I was doing in his dream…

I went down the stairs and entered the kitchen to make breakfast. I was halfway finished with making steak and cheese burritos when the front door was unlocked and opened.

It must've been one of Grimmjow's parents. I remained in the kitchen and soon someone walked in. It was Grimm's mother.

"Hello Mrs. Jaegerjaques," I greeted politely as I continued making breakfast.

She was dressed extravagantly as always, hair coiled up into a tight bun, adorning big diamond earrings, heavy make-up, and a very expensive-looking dress.

"Oh, hi dear," she said as if she just noticed me. She walked over to a cabinet and sifted through it.

I didn't know what she did as an occupation but I knew it was in the business industry, and she was insanely wealthy because of it. Newspapers described her as "deadly and crushing" to any and all competitors.

But she was Grimmjow's mother, so I tried again. "Are you here to see Grimm? I think he's in his room." I said that for Grimm's sake. He had parents. He deserved to see them.

She shook her head. "I'm afraid I don't have time. I'll have time next week to come again, maybe take him out for dinner."

I nodded. She and Grimm's father weren't here often, but I truly did think they loved and cared for him. Just not in the conventional way.

She finished with what she was doing, and she began walking away when she paused. She looked me up and down. "Dear, it's much too hot to be wearing that turtleneck." She walked away while clucking her tongue, her high heels click-clacking on the wooden floor. The front door closed behind her.

My cheeks were flaming red but I doubt she cared enough to notice. I finished up the breakfast burritos and put them on two plates, taking them upstairs and to Grimmjow's room.

I sat on the bed gently, putting the plates on the mattress and poking Grimm hard on the shoulder. He merely grumbled under his breath, and I leaned in. "Grimm, wake up. I have food."

His eyelids flickered, and soon he was groggily opening his eyes. "Smells good," he muttered sleepily, slowly sitting up in bed.

I gave him the plate that had more food. "Here."

"Thanks," he said, sounding genuinely grateful.

He'd only eaten a few bites when his fork dropped from his hand, clanking against the china plate.

I watched him, confused. He was staring wide-eyed at his plate.

Um…Did he dislike the food? I thought he loved the breakfast burritos. Maybe I didn't cook the eggs well enough, maybe the steak I used had gone bad, maybe the bell peppers had gone moldy…?

But…the look on his face. He looked absolutely terrified…

"Grimm?" No response. " _Grimm."_

His head jolted and his bright, bright blue eyes stared at me. It was like…it was like he was waiting for _me_ to say something? Was there something in particular I was supposed to be saying right now?

After several moments of silence he realized he'd have to initiate. "H-How…How are you feeling, Ichi? Are you feeling okay?"

I ignored the residual heaviness of my body and ache of my limbs. "I feel fine."

He looked even more confused, even more clueless, and I could almost see his brain working to comprehend. But…why was he confused?

His gaze fell on my chest.

"...You're wearing a turtleneck."

Fuck. The hickeys. I hastily turned away. "Yeah," I responded nonchalantly. "I was just cold, thought it'd warm me up."

I heard a deep inhale followed by what sounded like a strangled cry. I whirled back to face Grimmjow, and he had unshed tears in his eyes.

I was fiercely alarmed, and before I could act on it he was crushing me to his chest, his strong arms encompassing my torso.

"I'm sorry Ichi, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." By the sound of his voice it was clear he was crying now, and I was too stunned to breathe.

Did he…did _he_ know what happened to me?

"G-Grimm, w-what happened? At, at the party…what happened?"

His entire body froze against me, and I froze with him. What was he not telling me? I tried to be patient, I really did, but he was scaring me. Terrifying me.

 _Not again not again not again._

I could feel myself hyperventilating. "Grimmjow!"

"I know," he exclaimed, voice heavy with pain, with conflict. "I-I'm sorry. It was…" He paused again. His voice sounded absolutely devastated. "It was Shuuhei..."

"Shuuhei…?" Betrayal pierced through me. "Shuuhei did this? What'd he do? What'd he _do?"_

"Nothing…inside. I promise. I put a stop to it before…that happened." He swallowed audibly, and with a shaking hand he reached out and pulled my turtleneck down. "It was just kissing." His skin turned green, and I thought he was going to throw up. I expected him to say more, but the firm seal of his lips made it clear he wasn't anytime soon.

I was nodding, accepting something I didn't want to accept. Shuuhei had touched me, and somehow I didn't remember it. Maybe he drugged me, or knocked me out and then did as he pleased. Either way, I would not forgive Shuuhei. Shuuhei was beyond redemption, like many people in my life were.

"Ichi…" I met his crystal-blue gaze. "Do you…Do you really not remember anything?"

I thought about it, and shook my head. "The last thing I remember from last night is playing Truth or Dare. And Shuuhei's Truth to me was…" Undesirable and absolutely horrible.

His long fingers grazed my cheeks, so gentle, so loving. "I'm sorry, Ichi. I wish I could've stopped him."

I shrugged as I leaned fully into his touch. "It's okay. You stopped him from…" Raping me, you stopped him from _raping me,_ "Hurting me, and I…I can't thank you enough for that." My vision blurred, and I closed my eyes. "Thank you."

The hand that held me was shaking, and I could only imagine what was going through his thoughts. He knew my past. I didn't think I could go through something like that again, and I'm sure Grimm thought the same.

I wasn't expecting what I saw when I opened my eyes. Grimm was crying, and he had the most hurt, ashamed look I've ever seen on his face.

Grimm has always been so strong, hated tears, would rather express himself with fists than words.

He thought he _failed_ me.

I pulled him into a hug. _I'm here I'm alive stop hating yourself._ "It's okay, Grimm. _I'm_ okay. Shuuhei didn't hurt me, and I know you'll protect me. He never will."

His tears turned to sobs, and I held him tighter.

XxXxXxX

 **Grimmjow's POV**

"Hate" wasn't a strong enough term, a fierce enough description, a vicious enough _something_. Hate was a _microscopic_ portion of what I felt for myself. Rage, disgust, abhorrence, animosity, and I was seriously contemplating suicide.

How could I walk beside Ichigo when I was this type of person? The person that would hurt him, take advantage of his body, and then _lie to his face about it?_

I didn't deserve Ichigo almost as much as I didn't deserve to live.

It's been a week since that fateful ( _horrible despicable detestable_ ) day, and since then I've been keeping my distance. We still sit beside each other, walk home together, eat together, _do everything together,_ but…it was different. We were always together, but at the same time I created a schism that altered our entire dynamic. We didn't pass notes anymore, we rarely talked, I sat at the opposite end of the table from him during lunch, and, after school's over, we walked to his house, worked on homework, then went to bed.

All of these schisms I had created and initiated myself. Every time I widened the gap I knew it hurt Ichigo just a little more, because _he_ didn't know why I was doing this. I never explained it to him, he was completely in the dark. But…I still couldn't help it. There was nothing I could do. Ichi trusted me to help him, protect him…

…But I couldn't do a damn thing except hurt him.

We were walking to his house now, and I wondered what was going through Ichigo's mind as he looked down at the sidewalk with his hands deep in his pockets. He'd come to terms with me not talking. I had always been the chatty one, but now there was nothing but empty silence. Sure, at first he'd done his best to fill the verbal void himself, but I was a fucking asshole. I would just grunt or provide a one-word response. I was horrible. I was scum.

Now Ichigo had adopted the same silence, and we walked home hearing nothing but the soft wind and chirping birds.

We reached his place and I allowed him first entrance. "I'm gonna ask Chuck for some lunch money," Ichi muttered purely for my benefit, and I stopped climbing the stairs as he walked into the living room where Chuck sat. I sat down on a bottom step, hidden and within hearing range. I was ignoring Ichigo because I was a fucking asshole, but…I still cared for him. I cared for and loved him so fucking much it hurt.

And no matter who I became, and no matter how much Ichigo started to hate me, I would always, _always_ be there to protect Ichi from people like Chuck…like me…

"Hey Chuck, can I have some money for the school lunch?"

I heard Chuck sifting through his pocket. "Why sure, son, I'll get ya somethin'." More sifting. I looked over the staircase handles to witness the exchange. Chuck handed Ichigo some bills, and just before Ichi pulled away Chuck had lightly grabbed his wrist.

"Say…why don't ya call me 'Dad'?"

My eyes widened with rage. What an _idiot!_ Didn't he know Ichi was abused by his real dad? Why the _fuck_ would he want _another_ fatherly figure?

I wanted so badly to march over there, snatch Ichigo away from that bastard, and run away to my house. This fucking asshole…

Ichigo remained steady, and once again it astonished me how strong he was. "Sorry," he fake-chuckled, "I guess it just doesn't come naturally."

"What about 'Papa'?" His eyes took on a sultry, perverted gaze that immediately made my blood boil. "I want ya to call me Papa…"

I could see Ichi shaking even from this distance, and he shook his head, pulling his hand out of the man's grasp. "Sorry C-Chuck, I probably w-won't do…that."

He turned and headed toward the stairs, waving goodbye. I distinctly noticed how Chuck's gaze fell to watch Ichi's pants.

My upper teeth grinded down to scrunch against my bottom teeth. Ichigo reached me at the stairway and he grabbed my bicep, pulling me up and taking me upstairs. The hand that held me was trembling.

He led me into the bedroom, closing it behind him. He looked hurt, desperate. He needed my _help._

"Please…" Ichi pushed me toward the bed, and I sat down. "Please Grimm, I k-know you don't l-like me anymore and you probably hate me, b-but please, please…" He climbed on top of me, his knees on either side of my thighs. "I need you, Grimm."

His arms wrapped around me, cocooned me into warmth, and I couldn't believe he thought I hated him. I've been ignoring him, yeah…but hate...no. Like fucking Christ, what I felt for him was the fucking _opposite_ of hate!

But…honestly…how could I blame him? I just suddenly, abruptly stopped interacting with him. How could I possibly blame him for coming to that conclusion?

His pupils were constricted and his body shook. He was having an episode.

Ichi was making my heart break, and with that I also, at last, broke my silence. I wrapped my arms around his torso, loving the feel of his body against mine. "Ichi…" I breathed, looking up at him as he knelt above me, unblinking. "I don't hate you at all. I'm sorry I've been such an ass. I'm still here for you." Tightening my grip I turned Ichigo around me, and I placed him bodily onto the bed. I didn't detach myself though, and I kept him wrapped in my embrace.

He immediately tucked his head into my neck, breathing deeply. Something wet fell onto my skin, and tears blurred my vision as I realized once again how fucking horrible I was. I had hurt Ichi so bad…so fucking bad. Fuck.

"I-I'm sorry, Grimm. Whatever I did I'm so so sorry, I won't do it again I swear, just please…please…"

A sob caught in my throat. "No Ichi, _no!"_ He flinched, and I considerably lowered my volume. "No Ichi, you did nothing wrong. It was me…all me. I…" I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. "I fucked up. It's all my fault."

Ichi snuggled his nose deeper against my skin, and I shivered at how intimate this was. I haven't held him like this in the longest time, and just _touching_ him felt like it's been forever. Ichigo was like a drug I was always high off of, and this past week I'd been going into fucking withdrawals.

Ichi sniffled, and he absently fiddled with the collar of my shirt. "…Is this…Grimm, is t-this about the party? And about how I…I…" His voice was the tiniest squeak. "…s-seduced you?"

I turned my head and stared at Ichigo's bright orange hair. For the barest of seconds, time seemed to stand still.

I felt my heart skip a beat, and then it started pumping so fast it was pounding against my chest wall. Did he just say…did he just bring up…did he just concede to remembering the exact thing I _was thoroughly convinced he didn't remember?_

Oh fucckkkk.

I was breathless. "I-Ichi…I…" How could I even explain myself? How could I explain my actions that night, how could I explain this entire week of lying to his _face_ and acting like Shuuhei was the culprit?

I loved Ichi with every fiber of my being, but…when I looked at the facts, I was the worst fucking candidate for his heart ever.

I have never felt more scared in my life.

Ichi was soft-spoken, but I grasped every word as if I had a terminal disease and he was telling me the cure. "I don't k-know how, but for a few days I actually couldn't remember anything." He licked his lips, and the tip of his tongue barely trailed along my skin. My entire body thrashed at the heated touch. "Two days ago I remembered everything that happened, and while you were in the bathroom I went to Shuuhei to ask w-what happened."

Ichi squeezed me a little tighter to his body, and I instinctively did the same. "He didn't just drug me with ecstasy, he…he gave me a date-rape drug. I don't know how I'm able to remember at all. M-Maybe it was a low dose, or it interacted weirdly with the ecstasy."

I pulled Ichi away from me. His eyes were red and soft tears travelled down his cheeks. He was sad, but I was…I was angry. I was angry, infuriated, _enraged!_

Shuuhei truly had meant to _rape_ him!

I jumped out of the bed, dodging Ichigo's attempt to reel me back in. I needed to pace, to move, to _punch something._ I wrenched my hair out, and a guttural growl bubbled deep in my throat. I was about to get violent.

Ichi knew me so fucking well. "Grimm, stop, calm down. Nothing happened. You _stopped_ him!"

My entire body stilled. That was true…I stopped him…I stopped Shuuhei from raping Ichigo. And then, and then…

And then I replaced Shuuhei with myself…

My tone was monotonous, dull, broken. "Did you enjoy it?"

Ichi's confusion was clear. "…What?"

"Did you enjoy it? When I tried to fuck you."

I turned my gaze just in time to see his face scrunch in remembered pain. He shook his head. "If you're trying to find a way to blame yourself, stop. I was begging for it, it wasn't your fault."

I shook my head. "I had realized from the get-go you weren't acting like yourself. You'd been…begging, desperate for the one thing that scarred you all those years ago." I grit my teeth. "All those fuckers that paid off your dad just raped you over and over and this time it was _me_ that tried to hurt you like that! Like how I did when we were thirte—"

My cheek stung like it'd been impaled by a razor, and my eyes widened in shock. I turned my head to see Ichi's fiery gaze and the back of his hand. My cheek hurt, my heart hurt.

"No Grimm, that's not how it was. Those men raped me, _paid_ for me. And what you did…what we did…" Ichi looked away, shaking his head sadly. "It's not the same. When we were thirteen we didn't know any better. We were confused."

He's wrong, all wrong…I covered my eyes. "No Ichi. I took advantage of you. You were sending cries for help and all I did was hurt you more." My legs shook, my knees felt weak, and I crumpled to the floor. "All you wanted was someone to love you, but instead I _made_ love to you. I gave you the one thing you didn't want." And if I choked on a quiet sob after that last sentence, well I couldn't fucking help it.

Ichigo joined me on the floor, and I covered my face with my hands. I didn't want to watch when his face rightfully morphed into hatred, disgust. I was horrible, beyond redemption. I didn't deserve him at all.

A finger touched my chin. "Grimm…please look at me."

I didn't want to, but denying Ichi was never my strong suit. I gradually pulled my hands away and looked into his beautiful brown eyes.

"Whatever's going through your head right now, it's not true. I'm not mad at you, and I don't hate you." He took one of my hands and interlocked his fingers with mine. "I just wish you had told me the truth."

I nodded in agreement, my face grimacing in pain and remorse. I felt the urge to cry. "I-I know. I was just so…so _angry_ at myself. I always swore to protect you, and then suddenly you're needing to be protected from _me._ " I covered my face again in utter disgust. "I tried to finish what Shuuhei started."

With a strength I didn't know Ichigo had he removed my hand from my face, and cradling it in both his hands. "Shuuhei drugged me with the intention of raping me. Grimmjow, did _you_ drug me?"

I shook my head, astonished. "Of course not!"

"And when we were together, was your intention to rape me, or to make me feel good?"

I saw where he was going with this. I bent my head down. "I'd never want to rape you… _never._ I just can't trust myself when you're vulnerable like that. I should've had more self-control."

He brought one of my hands up to his face and kissed my palm. Shivers ran up and down my arm. "How long have you felt this way, Grimm? About me?"

I refused to make eye contact as I wallowed in shame. "God…for fucking forever." I had been tempted to lie, deny my feelings, explain it was all a hoax. But if I could help it I'd never lie to Ichi…after this instance, never again.

Ichi had the slightest smile on his face, and he continued holding my hand. I'd never seen such an expression on him before. For a reason unbeknownst to me, I leaned forward, waiting with baited breath.

He licked his lips, as though nervous. "You know, Grimm, I a-actually have f-feeli—"

"Ichigo!"

Our heads both swiveled in the direction of the word. The voice came from downstairs, and I immediately identified it as Chuck's throaty, dumbass voice. I could distinctly hear the thump of his feet as he walked up the steps, and Ichi grabbed me and threw me into his closet. Dejavu hit me pretty hard.

 _Damn it,_ but what was Ichigo about to _say?_

I felt like I had just lost something vital.

"Yeah Chuck?" I heard Ichi call out innocently. My ear was pressed to the closet door.

"I have a question for ya. Can I come in?" Chuck was standing right outside the bedroom now.

"Sure." The door opened. "What's up?"

He cleared his throat. "I've been wondering..." he bega, and I listened as his footsteps entered the room. "You've reached an age where most boys are goin' out on dates and gettin' girlfriends…or boyfriends. You, uh, you doin' any of that?"

I grit my teeth. What the fuck?

There was a short pause, and I knew Ichi was racking his brain. Probably distressed, too. "N-No, but I guess I'm just not interested in that. I'm not…ready."

Within the dark depths of the closet I closed my eyes. Of course he wasn't. How could anyone _expect_ him to be, knowing what his life had been like?

I heard footsteps then the slight creaking of a mattress. Chuck's voice was farther away now, and I'm assuming he was sitting on the bed. "Come on Ichigo, it's been three years. Surely you can form a relationship with someone you trust by now."

With that sentence alone I almost banged my fist into the door. Ex _cuse_ me you fucking bastard? Did he even know the extent of what Ichi went through? He'd lost his mother, his sisters, and then been hurt, bought, _raped_ (sold by his own father)…if Chuck even had half a heart he would realize Ichi was hurting. Even now.

Maybe forever.

"Ichi…" Chuck's voice came again. It took on a more sensual tone, and the way he said it (only _I'm_ allowed to call him Ichi) sent a sharp chill down my spine. "Do you trust me?"

It only took me a moment to realize exactly what he was insinuating.

My hand was on the door knob and suddenly resistance met me on the other side. Ichigo was leaning his full weight onto the door. He _knew_ I'd be out for blood (more than blood. I wanted his life), and he didn't want me to cause a scene. _Fuck._

My hand was shaking violently, my mind was so conflicted. I wanted to kill Chuck; I wanted to absolutely slaughter him. But Ichi…

I reluctantly released my hand from the knob. I'll obey Ichi…but I won't like it.

 _Fuck._

Ichigo spoke. "I trust you Chuck, but I don't want to do…that with you. You're my adoptive father. That's all."

The mattress creaked again, and heavy footsteps walked toward the closet, toward Ichigo.

"I think I know a way I can change your mind," Chuck whispered. The sound of skin meeting skin met my ears. I stared at the door, my eyes swarming with hatred. This man...this _monster,_ stole Ichi's lips from me.

...I was going to kill him.

 **XxXxXxX**

 **Abrupt ending but it had to be done. Sometimes Grimm is more bark than bite so don't be alarmed, he's not ACTUALLY killing anyoneXD**

 **Hope you enjoyed! Until next time!**


	7. Chapter 7

**It's kinda hard to tell since there's virtually no plot, but this is actually the second-to-last chapter! Hope everyone's enjoyed it thus far.**

 **Now back to where we left off with Chuck being a pedo...**

 **XxXxXxX**

They're kissing. They're kissing...their lips are literally touching, Ichi's soft and smooth skin was being tainted by Chuck's disgusting grease. I could hear the sound of saliva being exchanged, and I could feel my blood boiling beneath my skin and on the verge of exploding.

A second passed, two seconds, and still that was all I heard. I strained my ears. Was Ichigo not pushing him away, fighting back? Was he just… _taking it?_

Fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck!_

It took all my self-control not to burst through the door and beat Chuck until he was black, blue, and sprawled out on the floor. But Ichigo had made his desires known, and as long as he wasn't in active danger…I'd allow it. Maybe he had a rationale explanation behind this. Right, right?

Time passed (slowly, way too fucking slowly), and at last the sound of clashing lips ended. It was still on repeat in my head, and the mental visuals were nauseating enough to make me want to die, but it was nice to know in _reality_ they were done. Fucking finally.

Chuck spoke. "Maybe that'll give you some…incentive to seek me out." Skin touched skin again, and it sounded like Chuck was petting him. "Let me know what you decide."

This entire time Ichi hasn't spoken, hasn't made any noise. How was he taking this? Was he okay? Should I not have allowed this after all? Oh fuck, oh jesus fuck did I fuck up?

Footsteps headed to the bedroom door. The door opened and closed, and I listened as Chuck made his way back down the stairs.

I pushed against the resistance of Ichigo's body, who was still leaning on the closet door. "Ichi! Ichi, move, lemme out."

After a long moment the weight was lifted, and I fully opened the door to see Ichi's big sad eyes and tremoring body.

"Oh Ichi…" I said in distress. "I'm so sorry." His pupils were tiny, nearly lost in the sea of brown, and I realize he's having an episode. I immediately, and with the gentlest touch possible, led him to the bed and sit him down. Still standing I leaned over and engulfed my arms around his thin frame.

Ichi returned the embrace, his grip vice-like around my abdomen. "H-His lips…his lips touched my lips."

I petted his hair. "I know Ichi, I know."

"We kissed, we a-actually kissed…" He was in shock.

"Shh Ichi, shh," I soothed, rubbing his back and giving him as much physical stimuli as I could. If I could just distract him, make him not _think_ about it…

Soon his breathing slowed and little-by-little the tension in his body dissipated.

He sighed deeply, his breath now blowing into the crook of my neck. I barely contained my surprised moan. Now was _not_ the time.

"Grimm…I…I let him do it. I didn't even try to stop him." He nuzzled his nose into my neck. "What does that mean?"

I continued rubbing his back. "It doesn't mean anything, Ichi. You were surprised and scared, and you didn't know how else to handle the situation."

"The look on his face…h-he definitely thinks I like him now. I didn't even try to suggest otherwise. He definitely thinks I want to _be_ with him." His entire body shivered, and I immediately held him closer, cursing the world. "I don't want to have sex with him, Grimm. I really don't want it."

"I know Ichi, and you _won't._ I'll do whatever necessary to keep you safe." Even if that means burying a knife into Chuck's fat neck.

Ichi nodded, and slowly pulled away from me. He kept a soft hand curled around my bicep, and I knew he still needed that physical touch. I sat down beside him, letting our thighs barely touch.

I tried to keep the murderous glint off my expression as he looked at me with sadness and worry. I pet his cheek lovingly. "I'll protect you, okay? I won't let _anyone_ touch you in a way you don't want." Even if that person's me.

Ichi nodded, and I could tell he was feeling emotional. "Thank you Grimm." His eyes watered, and before I could react he was leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine.

Time stood still, and I sat, motionless and in utter shock. By the time my shock wore off he was already pulling away. My lips subconsciously tried to follow his.

He licked his lips hesitantly. "S-Sorry if that made you feel uncomfortable. I-I just..." His gaze was so deep, so penetrating. My breath caught in my throat. What? What was he about to say?

The trajectory of his tone abruptly changed, and he quickly looked away. "Needed to get Chuck's scent off. Y-You're my best friend, ya know?"

Best friend…yes…of course.

I smiled a fake smile. "I understand." But not really. The hole in my heart burned deeper. "Do you feel better now, Ichi? Are you okay?"

Ichigo nodded. "Yeah…I'm okay."

"Good," I said. "We're gonna figure this out, but for now don't think about it. Just know you're safe."

He smiled, the first happy smile since fucking Chuck showed up. "Yeah. Thanks." He kissed me on the cheek.

It was five, maybe six in the afternoon, but we promptly cuddled beneath the covers and fell asleep in each other's arms.

XxXxX Flashback XxXxX

I was twelve when I discovered the truth about Ichigo's past. I had gone to his house bringing snacks (he'd been skinny too damn skinny). From the foyer I heard muffled noises coming from the basement, and I remember briefly thinking "it's none of my business I should definitely leave." I had been a coward then. But somehow, in that moment, my desire to see Ichi safe overcame my cowardice. What also filled me was CURIOSITY. I knew something was up, and I knew something was wrong. Now was the time to find out.

I walked toward the stairs, and with each tip-toe'ed step my entire body trembled in dread. When I reached the bottom step I peeked my head out, peering into the basement. What I saw I could never unsee.

The basement was one large room, and it was there that my entire life shattered, and warped into something else. For better or for worse, I became a completely different person.

Along the walls were various, ominous items on the wall. I saw a whip, handcuffs, so many other things. My ignorant, pre-adolescent mind didn't understand.

In the center of the room was a thin, dirty mattress, and I stared in horror as I saw Ichigo's naked body sprawled across it. He didn't move, and if I hadn't seen the slow blink of his eyes I would've thought he was dead. His back and thighs were soaked in dry blood, and I noticed a bloodied knife beside the mattress.

"What the fuck are you trying to do here? Pay me the usual or you get nothing!"

The loud voice bellowed from the corner of the room. I crept behind the wall a little bit more (could they hear how loud my heart was beating from over there?) and watched a transaction between two large men. The one that spoke was tall and muscular, stubble lining his chin and jaw.

The other man, obese and balding, pulled out a wad of money. "Aight aight quit ur damn complainin' Kurosaki! I got ya money." He handed it to the man named Kurosaki.

I was so confused. Wasn't...wasn't Ichigo's last name Kurosaki?

The obese man then unbuckled his belt and slipped out of his pants and underwear. He got onto the mattress and mounted Ichi. My eyes widened in horror as his penis slipped into Ichi's butt. Pieces of the puzzle were clicking together for me. Was…Was this what sex was? I've only heard people talk about it.

But I thought sex was supposed to be fun. And Ichigo's face…no. He's not having fun at all.

Ichigo was bleeding. Ichigo was hurt. Ichigo didn't _want this!_

But I was twelve, stupid, and scared shitless. My legs were trembling too badly to move and my boxers were wet. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to defeat two grown men?

"What the fuck?" The voice came from behind me, and I gasped as a huge hand landed on my shoulder. I immediately began flailing but to no avail. "What's a little punk like you doin' here?" He dragged me into the basement, and the two other men finally noticed me, shocked. The obese man on top of Ichi had stopped thrusting, and even Ichi was watching me with beady, dead eyes.

"What da fuck?" the obese man exclaimed, but he wasn't even looking at me. He was looking at the man that caught me. "It ain't ur turn goddamn it. Go da fuck away until I'm done!"

"Ya should be _glad_ I came, cause I caught this kid snooping on our business." He pushed me again, and I fell to my knees beside Ichigo. His eyes were glistening, and his expression…he looked so… _ashamed._ I never wanted to see that look on his face ever again.

"What should we do wit him?" the obese man asked, his fat crumpling as he scrunched his face in anger. Ichigo's hand twitched, his fingers slowly curling into his palm, and Fatass seemed to remember he had someone beneath him. His frown morphed into a shady grin. He was still inside of Ichigo, and he thrust abruptly. A strangled groan emitted from Ichigo's lips.

"Stop! _Stop!"_ I screamed, louder than I've ever screamed in my life. Hands were trying to restrain me but I couldn't be subdued, not like this, not while Ichigo was being so horribly degraded. Was this what Ichi's been going through this whole time? Was this why he came to school limping and quiet and hurt? " _Stop hurting him!"_ I yelled. My left arm was restrained from behind, and I surged my right hand in the direction of the bind. My fist met a face, and the owner let out a choked yell.

He released his grip and I took advantage of it. I ran for Fatass and Ichigo. Fatass wasn't paying attention, I could get him. I used all my speed and all my strength to just REACH them.

It wasn't enough. Mere feet away my momentum was abruptly halted, and I fell to my knees, the breath knocked out of me. I was gasping for air.

A foot landed on my chest and shoved me onto my back. My vision was hazy, but I distinctly saw the stubble and sharp jaw of the man called Kurosaki. "Are you here for a turn with my son?" I didn't respond, both out of shock and my hindered breathing. I shook my head frantically. His frown deepened. "Then why are you here?"

I had long ago dropped the snacks I'd brought for Ichi. I was in a horrible situation. There was no answer I could provide that would be acceptable.

A scream that could only belong to Ichigo was heard throughout the room, and the tears spilled down my cheeks heedlessly. He was being hurt, TORTURED, and all I could do was lie on the floor and listen to him.

Kurosaki's face hadn't even changed, as if listening to his SON being tortured meant nothing to him. What a fucking disgusting son of a bitch.

"Please," I begged, my bottom lip trembling. "Let him go. H-He doesn't deserve this."

The man towered over me. "It's not about what he deserves. It's about what he's good for." The wad of cash he was holding delicately in his hand spoke volumes of what he thought his son was _good_ for.

The man that caught me asked, "What should we do with him?" It looked like he was only half-paying attention though, his gaze set intently on Ichigo getting fucked. I whimpered in misery. This has all become so, so horrible.

He pondered. "I haven't decided yet." I watched as he raised a fist, cracking his knuckles. His words were ominous. "I'll think about it."

Suddenly pain radiated through my jaw, and the world went black.

XxXxXxX

When I awoke I was immediately alert, as though my subconscious sensed a need for urgency. I woke up in the same basement I was knocked unconscious in. I scanned my surroundings, my heart pounding in sorrow and pain and fear. I wanted to throw up, and I felt my stomach flip at the repugnance of what I saw.

The two men not named "Kurosaki" were…were _hurting_ Ichigo. Raping and torturing him. The obese man was prodding him with the knife, making ugly red zigzags along his skin. What disgusted me the most was the fact, come tomorrow, at school Ichi would have effectively covered all of them.

How long has he been enduring this?

Two of them were distracted by Ichigo, and all the while Kurosaki was counting his money, swiping his fingers eagerly across each bill. His avaricious gaze was repulsive. He made Ichigo go through this just for the money.

I had to do something. I was so angry, so goddamn angry. I didn't know Ichigo that well, he was always so quiet, but I _knew_ he didn't deserve _this._

I climbed up to my feet. I hadn't been shackled or chained while I'd been unconscious.

What a mistake on their part.

You know that saying you have to walk before you can run? I discovered today that's not true.

My gaze on Ichigo, I ran like the devil was chasing me. My mouth was wide open but I didn't know if I was saying words or just yelling mindlessly. Honestly, I felt like I'd lost my mind.

They both turned around, the obese man slower to react. He was holding the knife though. I really needed to be careful.

Careful I was not. I tackled the obese man, and a sharp pain sliced through my right side. Anger fueled me though, and I punched him twice in the jaw. His head smacked against the floor. The knife hung loosely in his hand, probably painted with both Ichigo's blood and now my own. I took the knife, ignoring my own pain and ready to inflict some on someone else.

"What do you think you're doing boy?!"

In that one moment, my rage reached its peak. This man was angry at _me._ He was angry at me for knocking out his accomplice. He was angry at me for knocking out the man that was slicing up my friend.

What hypocrisy.

Gaze red and hands steadier than they've ever been in their life, I turned and cut the man ( _monster_ ) that yelled at me. The metal sliced through his neck and blood dribbled down his collarbone and onto his chest. I gutted him like a pig and I didn't regret it.

It was too late when I realized the man was Kurosaki, Ichigo's father. He fell to his knees, gasping for air that wouldn't come. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he fell to the floor, dead.

The other men, his two accomplices, were screaming. They fled the basement.

As though drunk I awkwardly weaved around Kurosaki's body, falling beside Ichigo. My vision was wet, and I wondered how it was possible for there to be rain inside a building.

"You're safe now, Ichigo. You're safe." I was so scared he'd hate me. I just killed his family, his _father._ In school rumors had spread like wildfire that his father was all Ichigo had left. His sisters were dead, his mother was dead…and now…

Ichigo looked up at me. Dirt and dried blood smudged his gaunt cheeks. His fingers inched toward me, but he was too weak to lift his hand.

His eyes were big and glossy, and more wet shit got in my way. His hand delicately grasped my own. "T-Thank you."

My eyes widened in shock. A sob tore through my throat, and my bottom lip trembled. I placed my other hand on top of his own. "You are so very welcome."

XxXxX End Flashback XxXxX

My eyes snapped open. I was gasping for air, and my upper chest hurt like it'd never hurt before.

I looked out the window and into the night, trying not to remember the dream I just had. I didn't actually remember it, I didn't, but I knew it was something bad. I could feel its grip powerful and unrelenting. Tendrils of fear radiated through me, and my right hand absently drifted down to my side. I pet the scar that had been inflicted upon me years ago, in that basement that changed everything…

Warmth suddenly engulfed my other side, and I looked down in surprise to see Ichigo now snuggling into me.

I smiled. With the addition of a scar also came a lifelong friend. He was also the man I loved more than anything or anyone. But he didn't have to know that.

"Grimm…" he whispered, and the way he said it made me realize he knew I was awake. He was actually talking to me.

I didn't want to break the silence with my own gruff voice, so I wrapped a gentle arm around his back, urging him to continue.

"W-What did you think when you came to my house?...And saw them…?" I closed my eyes, instant visuals erupted once again in my brain. The hand on my scar hadn't moved, and my nails dug into it. Did Ichi have a bad dream? Did he just wake up from a nightmare?

 _It wouldn't have just been a nightmare, it would've been a_ flashback.

My grasp on Ichi's back became just a bit firmer.

I told him the truth. My teeth were grit and my hands shook. "I…I wanted to murder all of them. Every single one." My thoughts were so tainted…so dark. "I still want to." Just murdering one hadn't been enough.

I could feel Ichi's body trembling against mine, and I pulled the covers higher, nestling it under his chin. I stopped touching my scar. I wrapped both my arms around him. His voice was soft as he spoke.

"They never leave my head, Grimm. Even when they're locked up miles and miles away…it still feels like they're right beside me."

I squeeze him tight to my body, and he eagerly comes further into my warmth. "I know Ichi, I know. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you," I say as I hold him close. "But you're going to get through this, you _will._ You're too strong not to. You'll finish up school, find a beautiful wife, become a doctor, and do all the amazing things you've always hoped to." I kissed the top of his orange hair. "You just have to keep trying your best. That's all anyone can ask."

Ichi was silent in my arms and I just held him close to my body. I hoped his silence was an unspoken agreement, but I had a feeling I was hoping for too much.

"Can we try again…Grimm?"

His voice now sounded anxious, barely desperate, and it reminded me of when he'd been under the influence of Shuuhei's drugs.

But…this time he needed me, and it was _him._ Ichigo. Ichigo needed me.

I pecked a kiss onto the top of his head. "Try what again, Ichi?"

He responded, "Sex."

I stilled, and my lips were frozen to Ichigo's hair. I did not hear that right.

I absolutely, without a doubt, did not hear that right.

I nervously cleared my throat. "Say that one more time Ichi, I didn't quite catch that."

"I want to have sex with you." His voice was unwavering.

I gulped, doing my best to ignore my now rock-hard cock. A chill ran down my spine, and I was so incredibly aroused. Just the thought of him wanting to have sex with me was…fuck.

But I knew better. Our situation was much different now than it was three years ago. I _wouldn't_ make that mistake again.

"Ichi…that's not happening." I moved my head back so I could see him, but his face was burrowed into my chest. "Why do you want to have sex, Ichi?"

His voice was somber. "I just…with Shuuhei trying to have me…and Chuck…" His body shuddered, and I wondered if all this had to do with his nightmare. His arms tightened around my waist. "I'd rather it be you."

My jaw clenched. I put my hand to his chest, pushing him up. Our eyes met. "You don't _have_ to have sex with _anyone_ Ichi. Don't just haphazardly pick a mate. I will protect you from those bastards so you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"But I want to have sex with you."

I felt exhausted. "We can't do that Ichi, not again." (And I don't believe you.)

His eyes were big, brown, and so fucking inviting. His hand barely slipped beneath my t-shirt to dance along my skin. I shivered. "Didn't you enjoy it?"

I could feel a ball of sweat drip down my forehead. "Yes…I did," I answered honestly. "But I also regretted it with every fiber of my being."

Ichigo just barely hovered above me, leaning on his knees and elbows. The hand travelled up farther. "Then let's create better memories."

His persistence scared the fuck out of me. If this keeps up will I stop resisting? Will I hurt him again?

No…I can't. I can't I can't I _can't._

I grit my teeth. "We can't make better memories by fucking _._ "

"But it'll feel so good."

"I don't care."

"You don't care? I thought you liked me."

That hit a nerve. I nearly screamed, "I don't like you I _love_ you, that's why I won't do it!"

I heard nothing but the pounding of my heart and my own heavy breathing. I had said so little yet was already out of breath. My chest hurt, my heart hurt. Why didn't he understand? Sex would mean so much more to me than just fucking.

Ichigo was silent, and I remained silent as well. I just told him I loved him. Was that the first time I've ever told him that? Fuck.

"I'm sorry Grimm," Ichi said remorsefully. He leaned back, away from me, and rested on his heels. "I'm being selfish, and you don't deserve this kind of treatment."

My cock mourned but my heart was elated. I gave him a smile, glad he was back in his right mind. I padded a thumb across Ichigo's cheek. The feel of his soft skin was remarkable. "Tell me the truth Ichi. What brought this on?"

Ichigo's face was grim, sad, and I wanted more than anything to make it go away. He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I've just been…different."

Curiosity got the better of me. "Different…how?"

Ichi shrugged, tugging at the hem of his shirt. "I don't know, I just…feel different around you. I don't understand it at all. It's weird."

He was probably scared; what he was feeling was fear. He was scared I'd try to touch him like that again. He was scared I'd try to take advantage of him.

"Ichi…I…" I had to make this right. I readjusted so that my body fully faced his. "I know that night was scary as hell, and I know what I did was wrong, but I will _never_ let that happen again. I won't touch you like that… _ever_."

Ichigo opened his mouth, then closed it. His bottom lip twitched, and his eyes were blank. He seemed lost. "Do you…not want to touch me? I thought you loved me." Not accusatory. Just curious.

Fuck. My emotional outburst was quick to bite me in the ass. I wanted to present as _safe_ an environment as possible. If he knew I was _in_ love with him…he'd be even more fearful, wouldn't he? He'd think I'd try to touch him like that again.

"I love you as a friend, Ichi. That's all." The lie burned my tongue like acid.

Ichigo sat there for a long, agonizing moment. I tried to make his eyes meet mine, but he just stared at the sheets, seemingly lost in thought. His eyes were utterly expressionless.

And then he was nodding his head and scooting his butt across the mattress, putting distance between us.

I swallowed nervously, scared I'd fucked up in more ways than I could fix. "Y-You ready to head back to bed, Ichi?" I asked, but it was unnecessary, for he was already turning away from me and getting into a sleep position.

"Yeah," Ichi barely mumbled, and with a heavy heart I too resituated into something more comfortable.

I watched him for a few moments longer. I definitely fucked up.

I just didn't know how.

 **XxXxXxX**

 **Drama was intense this chapter. One more to go!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Final chapter at last! Thank you to any and all that reviewed, favorited, alerted, and PM'ed. I enjoyed writing this story quite a bit. Hope you all enjoyed reading it.**

 **Commence Chapter 8!**

 **XxXxXxX**

As any other day, class was boring and shitty and I didn't want to fucking be here. This was the first time in a week Ichi and I have been on semi-good terms, and it almost, if I squinted, looked like we were back to normal. He still seemed a bit sad (conflicted?), but I'd take it a thousand times over dejected and depressed.

Ichi was flicking around a pink eraser on his desk, punting it from finger to finger. All _I_ was doing was trying my best to watch Ichi without Ichi noticing, so it was clear neither of us were paying attention to the lecture our teacher was giving on World War II.

The light was coming through the windows and reflecting off Ichigo's hair, and it produced a shimmer I was almost mesmerized by. How could a mere human be this beautiful, this radiant? I wished his outsides matched his insides. I wished he could be as happy as the beautiful mop of hair on his head.

I must have been in a daze, because time past and suddenly the bell was ringing. The teacher assigned homework pages but we didn't write it down (though I bet Ichigo would remember it word-for-word). We gathered our shit into our backpacks and left the classroom. Lunch was up next so we headed to the cafeteria, our shoulders almost (so close) brushing against each other.

"You're going to eat today right, Ichi?" I joked.

He smiled lightly, and he looked at me. "I'll try."

I smiled back then continued watching my steps. My gaze zeroed in on someone to my right, and I saw Shuuhei talking to a classmate. Flashbacks of what he'd done to Ichigo erupted in my mind, and my murderous gaze burned into what felt like his very soul. Not even a moment passed before our eyes met. He'd been chatting before, but now he was dead silent.

I didn't miss the sneer and flinch when I threw an arm possessively over Ichi.

Jealous? Good.

But Shuuhei made no move to fight me, and I had a feeling he never would. He walked away from the classmate and even more away from me.

Ichi and I continued down the hallway. If Ichigo noticed the exchange he didn't vocalize it, and soon enough he was walking to our same table and I was grabbing food at the lunch line. The lunch money Chuck had given him was gone, but I didn't think Ichi cared either way. He was just never hungry.

But that didn't mean he shouldn't eat.

I'd make him eat.

I gathered a bunch of food onto my plate, paid the lunch lady, then headed to our usual table.

This past week I had been ignoring Ichi (childish foolish _ugly)_ , and consequently we'd been sitting at opposite ends of the table. Today he was at his pre-argument seat, and I immediately took up my seat next to him. I was fucking tired of seeing Inoue drool over Ichi and try to feed him. I was _done_ with that bitch. And no, I can't use that word out loud, but I'll sure as fuck use it in my head if only to describe Inoue and any other fucker that tries to take Ichi from me.

One by one the others arrived. Our locations relocated the others, but they all fell into their usual spots. Inoue, Rukia, Ulquiorra, and Nnoitra all joined us.

Nnoitra was the first one to vocalize the change. "So Grimmie, Ichigo, what gives? Y'all finally done fightin'? What the fuck was with y'all?"

We had before refused to explain the situation, and even now I was reluctant to do so. I said, "We just kinda got into a fight. We're cool now."

"A _fight?"_ Nnoitra scoffed, waving a hand. "Y'all have been attached to the hip for fuckin' years. I mean hell, if y'all were gay I woulda thought y'all'd already be fuckin'."

What he said was bordering on fucking knife-to-the-neck worthy, and when I got him alone I'd make sure he _knew it._

More importantly, I tried to focus on Ichi's response to Nnoitra's words. I could tell he was affected, but I didn't understand _how._ His gaze was hazed, like he wasn't seeing what he was looking at. His eyebrows were turned downward. What was he looking at?

Nnoitra was pissing me off. I took a big bite of my nachos, knowing the loud crunching would piss him off. "None of your _fucking_ business, Nnoitra, now back the fuck off."

"But I'm curious too," exclaimed bitch Inoue from beside Ichigo, who she was leaning intimately toward.

I've mentioned I hate Inoue, right? Because I do. I really fucking do.

Ichigo's chair squeaked against the floor as he stood. I did a double-take as I noticed his hair was covering his eyes. "I need to go to the restroom," he said, voice monotonous. He walked away from our table and left the cafeteria.

I was stunned into silence. Then I hastily stood, prepared to follow him. I vaguely heard voices telling me he needed space, but fuck them and their misguided opinions. _I_ knew Ichi better than _anyone._ And I was going to help him.

I fled the cafeteria and ran into the nearest boys' bathroom. Ichigo was leaning against the sink, tremors running through his body.

He saw me through the mirror, and he turned around. "G-Grimm…" he said shakily. His pupils were constricted, and I realized he was having an episode.

I immediately pulled him into my arms, shushing him and softly petting his hair. His hands wandered beneath my shirt to feel my skin, and I shivered at his touch.

"Grimm…I-I…I'm so incredibly broken," he sobbed, and I squeezed him even tighter. I hated so much that Ichi felt that way. Especially when he deserved so much more…

"You're not Ichi, you're truly not…" I wanted to cry too. When would he finally heal? When would he finally be free of this pain?

I felt his knees give out, and I quickly took all of his weight as my own. "It's okay Ichi, I got you. I got you," I soothed, leaning his body into mine. His arms were wrapped around my neck, his nose poking into my collarbone.

"Grimm…I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home." He leaned back just enough to look me in the eye. "I wanna go home..."

His eyes were drenched with sadness…with pain.

I nodded. "Okay."

XxXxXxXxX

And home we went.

We stumbled through the front door, my shoulder nicking the frame and Ichi's head bumping into mine. Emotional delirium must have set in, because we weren't really walking straight and my mind felt blank. I didn't feel right, nothing felt right. Maybe I was drunk. God I was so fucking tired.

Stumbling up the stairs and into the bedroom Ichigo was first to climb into bed, not even bothering to take off his jeans (the jeans that mold his ass _so_ fucking well). I immediately join him, plopping beside him.

He slapped me on the chest. "You left the lights on, damn it."

I didn't move from my spot and, in a way I couldn't even explain, and for a _reason_ I couldn't even explain, I passed the fuck out.

XxXxXxX

When I came to it was dark outside. Like, pitch fucking black. We had fallen asleep during the day right? The lights were still on in the bedroom, and a warm body was cuddled into my own. Looking down I saw Ichigo sleeping soundly by my side. I curled him closer to me just the barest inch. His warmth was intoxicating.

I contemplated. Has Ichi and I's friendship almost gotten back to normal? I was still his rock, and he was still my heart. And he's cuddled so beautifully into my body.

My stomach growled angrily. I looked down at Ichigo. There's no way I could leave the bed without rousing him. My stomach growled again.

I sighed. Goddamn it…

I lightly poked Ichigo in the shoulder. The feel of his bone was sharp against my finger. "Ichi…" He barely stirred, and I prodded him again. "Ichi, I'm hungry."

Slowly, his brown eyes blink open, and I poked him one more time for good measure.

"Grimm, I get it," he slurred half-asleep, but still awake enough to elbow me in the gut.

He crawled over me, his palm interestingly landing on a nipple, and he stood beside the bed, waiting for me to join him.  
We left the bedroom and very slowly walked down the stairs. These stairs were wooden and old, and often creaked. We didn't want to wake up Chuck.

At the bottom of the stairs we could see the living room, and I think both of us were surprised to see Chuck awake and sitting on the living room sofa. The room was dark, all the lights were out, but we could see Chuck's body faintly lit up from the bright laptop screen emitting from the desk in front of him. Ichi and I were stock-still, too scared to move.

I wasn't hungry anymore, and I wanted to just march back-the-fuck upstairs.

But something elusive kept me planted in my spot. What exactly was Chuck doing in the middle of the night? The more I looked the more I noticed how _odd_ this situation was. His face was intense and his hand in his pants.

I'm a fucking idiot.

It was mere seconds before comprehension punched me in the face. A throaty moan escaped Chuck's mouth, and I could see now that his right hand was vigorously moving up and down. The volume from the laptop was emitting moans as well, and there was the distinct sound of flesh on flesh.

Chuck's moans were getting louder, louder. I had no idea why I (probably we) was still fucking watching. When Chuck reached his peak he moaned out loudly, "I-Ichigo!"

And that's when my restraint was shattered.

I growled. I grabbed Ichi's wrist tight enough to bruise and propelled us up the stairs. I shoved through our bedroom door and in my haste nearly threw him into the wall. I let go before I did something horrible, and he stood by the door as I paced back and forth, back and forth. I was breathing hard, and red was a blurred haze in my vision.

Inoue, Shuuhei, Chuck… _everyone_ wanted Ichigo for immoral reasons. Myself included…

When will Ichi finally be free from all of us? From all of our sexual and sinful desires?

"What the _fuck,"_ I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I could feel myself on the verge of hyperventilating, and I sat down on the twin bed, my chest heaving up and down. I bent my torso over. I needed all the fucking oxygen I can get.

I glanced at Ichi, and I was surprised to see he was taking this a helluva lot better than me. He didn't look alarmed, just…sad. Contemplative.

"Grimm…" he began, and my head jerked up to look into his eyes. "I'm not scared."

I nodded. Well that was good, because I was fucking terrified.

He took a step toward me, then another. "I know you'll protect me like you always promise, and I know you'll keep me safe." He's right in front of me now, and from his close proximity I had leaned back a little, out of my tripod position. He was getting quite close. What was Ichi thinking right now?

A knee climbed onto the mattress beside my thigh. "Grimm…I trust you." Ichigo's body followed the knee, and a hand landed on my chest. He gently pushed me, and I landed on the soft sheets.

Now that I was horizontal on the bed Ichigo towered over me, his fingers dancing beneath the hem of my shirt. My entire body spasmed and I was filled with feverish warmth. Ichi's body is so warm, so fucking _hot._

"I think I like you Grimm." My mind blanks. I am stunned into utter confusion and shock.

His face leaned closer, closer, and suddenly his lips were touching mine. That warmth I felt became an explosion of feeling, and I moaned headily into his mouth. My hands act on their own accord, and they start traveling everywhere over Ichigo's body. His cheeks, his neck, his chest. They begin to travel beneath his shirt. Ichigo moans.

"Ichi," I said in between kisses. "Why…what changed your mind?" I was so confused. This was not how I thought my day would be going. Ichigo…kissing _me?_ No fucking way. He nibbled on my bottom lip and I gasped loudly into his mouth.

Suddenly my crotch was on fire, and I looked down to see Ichigo palming me through my pants. Stars alit my vision, and all rational thought shattered as I could do nothing but try to maintain a grip on sanity. My hips rocked back and forth into his hand, looking for that heat, that amazing _friction._

He unsnapped the button and unzipped the zipper, and suddenly my hard cock was now very visible through my very thin boxers. "I-Ichi," I moaned as he delicately peeled back my boxers. He slid his hand over my cock, and his touch felt like the touch of a god.

"Fucckkkk." He was fondling my balls so perfectly. In my state of euphoria I watched Ichigo bend over, his face near my cock. His hand moves to the base of my cock, and his mouth engulfs the entirety of my penis.

I'm not too dignified to admit I basically screamed. Fuck, how can anyone feel so _much_. I feel like I'm about to explode, like there are seams all over my body and they're slowly ripping apart from the pressure.

His head bobbed up and down, and my eyes close as I allow myself to feel more, more. All the blood fills my penis, and I could distantly hear the moans and gasps spilling out of my mouth. What I heard most clearly though, was the slurping and sucking noises Ichigo was making with his mouth. I whimpered, and the sucking noises grew louder. I whimpered again. It was a neverending cycle of utter ecstasy.

Soon I was cumming into his mouth, every inch of my body hypersensitive and my brain on complete overload. I watched as he swallowed every drop, and I pretty much got aroused all over again.

I dropped my head back onto the mattress. As I fell off my high I was numb. Ichigo just gave me a blowjob. Ichigo, my best friend, my best friend that was broken and didn't know how to love but claimed he liked me anyhow.

My blue eyes fell on Ichi, who was wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and watching every inch of my facial expression. What did he think I would think? Was he curious how I would react? Was he worried?

"I-I-Ichi…" Words were so fucking hard right now. "Ichi, why? Why now?" Was it because we'd seen that fucking _Chuck?_ Was that what triggered Ichigo into doing this?

"Grimm…you think Chuck likes me…right?"

I stared at him dumbfounded. Not long ago we had watched him orgasm yelling Ichigo's _name._ How the fuck was that not clear to him? "Yeah. I fuckin' do." I wasn't in the best of moods right now.

"Well I…" He cleared his throat, and he looked hesitant. "I masturbated the other day…" Wait, _time out_. Ichi masturbates? Why didn't I know that? When did it start? Does he watch porn? How often? My breathing deepened. Oh gods why was I so aroused by the thought of Ichi masturbating?

He continued, oblivious to my train of thought. "Grimm…When I came, I…" He swallowed. "I called out your name."

I stared at Ichigo like a tentacle just penetrated his eyeball. I was in shock. He…he… he had been thinking about me while he masturbated? Is that why he called out my name?

Before Ichi had said he liked me. Was he…was he being for _real?_

He stood, taking a few steps as if to clear his head. "I-I know it sounds weird, this is all still so foreign. I think I noticed something was different when I thought you liked Nel. It made me feel…feel… _jealous."_ He hissed out the word. "And when I found out it was you who had touched me at Shuuhei's place…" He was looking at me with a gaze I'd never seen before. Fuck, it felt like he was looking _through_ me. "At first I felt hurt, betrayed. But…then I realized how happy I was. Because that meant our feelings were _mutual."_

I thought through his explanation, turning over every word in my head. Was this really possible? Was it too good to be true? "We've been best friends for years, Ichi. How can you change so—"

Ichigo raced toward me and sat on my lap. "I'm telling the truth Grimm, I _swear_." He licked his lips, and the faintest hint of worry past through his eyes. Maybe he regretted going too far. Maybe he was worried I wouldn't reciprocate, or I wouldn't believe him. Whatever he was worried about…I didn't know.

"For the longest time I didn't think I knew how to love. That I was too broken. But…

"Please," Ichigo pled, something I rarely ever, _ever_ heard. My eyes and ears honed in on his every movement and spoken word. "Please j-just kiss me. I swear I…I _like_ you."

"And you think kissing me will, what, prove it?"

He looks dejected, but I ignored it. I've already hurt him once, probably hurt him _again_ by letting him blow me. Fuck, I kept making worse and worse decisions.

"Get off me Ichi, I need to piss," I grumbled, and he silently complied. I walked into the bathroom, almost unsurprised as Ichigo followed me inside. I pulled down my boxers, held my penis in my hand, and took my piss in the toilet. I was honestly amazed and a little turned on by how close Ichi was to me right now.

"Please. I really do like you. I've been thinking about it for so long."

I was done pissing. I placed my boxers back on my hips and turned to face Ichigo. My face was angry. "For how long, Ichi? Days, weeks, months _?_ Because you know what? I've loved you for _three years_ and haven't said a damn thing about it. And now suddenly you want to half-reciprocate for _liking_ me? I don't _like_ you Ichi I _love—_ "

Lips were pressed tightly against mine, and all the irrational anger and frustration and complaints washed from me like I was washed from sin. His lips were hot like the sun, and I was feverish for more. I was intoxicated by his mere presence and every inch of me wanted so much more.

I wasn't being fair. Why had I even been complaining about him having feelings for me? That news was…was…fucking _amazing._ Yet the first thing I complain about was that it wasn't enough for me, that his feelings didn't equal mine?

I wanted to deepen the kiss but soon he was pulling away, and my lips tried to follow. He looked deeply into my eyes. He petted my cheek, and I leaned into it.

"Sorry for getting angry," I murmured.

He smiled a soft smile. "It's okay." He leaned forward and pecked one more kiss onto my lips. Every kiss he gave me just made me want another, and another.

He licked his lips, and his eyes widened the barest inch. Then he smirked. "It seems you taste great in more ways than one."

I cocked my head in confusion, then stared in embarrassed horror the second recognition hit me. My cheeks flamed red and I coughed distractedly, acting like that _didn't_ just happen.

But I was Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, I was _never_ embarrassed.

I smirked, my voice sultry. "I bet you taste much, _much_ better." I whispered into his ear. "And I can't wait to find out." I swiped my tongue along the inner lining of his ear. I felt his body shiver against mine, and my smirk widened and my boxers tightened. I took his hand in mine. "Let's take this back to the bedroom."

I led, and he freely followed.

XxXxXxX

We were lying in bed clothed in our boxers, his body nestled against mine. I had an arm around his shoulders. There was something weighed heavy on my mind, and I wasn't sure how to bring it up, how to say it. I stared at the ceiling as though it held the answers I was searching for.

"Ichi," I began, feeling hesitant.

There was a small pause, and he seemed to notice something in my voice. He read me so well. "Yeah Grimm?"

I bit at my bottom lip. I was doing everything in my power not to let my emotions get the best of me. "I don't want you…living here anymore." I shook my head, running a vicious hand through my hair. "I mean, we _know_ Chuck's a fucking pervert, we _saw_ it—"

"I'll move."

My mouth hung open, and I immediately leaned his body toward mine so I could see his expression. I wasn't expecting him to agree so quickly.

He continued. "Under one condition."

"Anything."

He flipped onto his stomach and rested on my own. His fingers trailed along my jaw and into my hairline. "I want to stay with you."

I blinked, then I smiled wider than I've ever fucking smiled in my life. I took his hand and brought him closer, pulling him into a kiss. "You fucking bet, Ichi," I said before immediately kissing him again, more fiercely and more passionately. I could feel his smile against my lips, and it only made me smile more.

Ichi's been through a lot, more than anyone I knew. But Ichi was also the only one strong enough to endure and _overcome_ everything he's been through.

Ichigo was amazing and every day I'm with him, every day we're together…I am going to prove that to him.

Soon the kiss became something more and I moaned, engulfing myself in Ichigo.

 **XxXxXxXxX**


End file.
